Successful queries

[DownNineUpTen]

This is a great thread. I just read through it and can tell I'm going to be back to reexamine these beauties. Thanks everyone. Hopefully I'll be back someday to post my own query...

[Bernie]

What an amazing thread.  So inspiring.
I will definitely be re-evaluating my letters from now on.  I can see myself revisiting this thread over and over.
Thank you all so much

[MaryL]

I'm not even sure I can accurately remember my query letter. It was super short and went something like this: 

Dear Ms. _____,

SHATTERED SOULS is a 70,000-word young adult paranormal romance about a sixteen-year-old reincarnated ghost mediator with past life amnesia being pursued by a demon who wants her dead and a hot guy from her past lives who, well... just wants her.

Prior to law school, I received a B.A. in English Literature from University of Houston. I'm a member of RWA, WH-RWA, and The Writers' League of Texas.

Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

[kaytee]

My stats are a little strange, because I got an offer on my first full request and had only queried 20 agents in two weeks. For this query, I had:
7 rejections
1 partial request
4 full requests
1 offer

This is the second manuscript I've queried (and I only started it because waiting to hear back on manuscript #1 was making me miserable -- write something new!), and I sent my first ever query in October 2014.

I got a lot of great advice when I posted in Query Help, and I agreed with most of it. But, as you'll see, I didn't wind up really changing the query much...  I was struggling with how exactly to spruce it up and then figured, what the heck, the general response was enthusiastic. I decided content trumped perfection, and I would test it out. So even though I wasn't 100% on it, it worked well enough! But I do want to thank everyone for being so supportive through this entire process. It's made everything much easier.

Dear agent,

All Zoie has ever wanted was to be the main character of a novel. She’s spilled more sweat and aced more tests than anyone else at the character training school. When she graduates top of her class, she’s sure she’ll be assigned a leading role in the next bestseller.

But when her first assignment finally arrives it’s for a bit part in some no-name dystopia. Worse, when Zoie enters the story, she finds out that she and all of the other minor characters are going to die. And not in a blaze of glory taking down an orc king or saving the world. She’ll be just another nameless extra lost along the way to the conclusion.

No character has ever changed a book’s plot before. At least, not successfully. She’s heard the rumors: stories imploding, killing everyone inside, and plots turning perilously unpredictable.

But Zoie figures, there’s a first time for everything. And if she’s going to die, she won’t settle for staying anonymous.

THE WRITER is a 69,000 word YA fantasy novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
kaytee

[Munley]

Kaytee,

I remember this query. It's really a good one based in a very creative idea.

[SamIAm]

My stats are a little strange, because I got an offer on my first full request and had only queried 20 agents in two weeks. For this query, I had:
7 rejections
1 partial request
4 full requests
1 offer

This is the second manuscript I've queried (and I only started it because waiting to hear back on manuscript #1 was making me miserable -- write something new!), and I sent my first ever query in October 2014.

I got a lot of great advice when I posted in Query Help, and I agreed with most of it. But, as you'll see, I didn't wind up really changing the query much...  I was struggling with how exactly to spruce it up and then figured, what the heck, the general response was enthusiastic. I decided content trumped perfection, and I would test it out. So even though I wasn't 100% on it, it worked well enough! But I do want to thank everyone for being so supportive through this entire process. It's made everything much easier.

Dear agent,

All Zoie has ever wanted was to be the main character of a novel. She’s spilled more sweat and aced more tests than anyone else at the character training school. When she graduates top of her class, she’s sure she’ll be assigned a leading role in the next bestseller.

But when her first assignment finally arrives it’s for a bit part in some no-name dystopia. Worse, when Zoie enters the story, she finds out that she and all of the other minor characters are going to die. And not in a blaze of glory taking down an orc king or saving the world. She’ll be just another nameless extra lost along the way to the conclusion.

No character has ever changed a book’s plot before. At least, not successfully. She’s heard the rumors: stories imploding, killing everyone inside, and plots turning perilously unpredictable.

But Zoie figures, there’s a first time for everything. And if she’s going to die, she won’t settle for staying anonymous.

THE WRITER is a 69,000 word YA fantasy novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
kaytee

Um, this sounds AMAZING and I need to read this book. What an awesome plot!!!

[Pandean]

I did have quite the alternative path but in the end my query was successful so here it is:

Dear


Don’t show fear. Don’t attract attention. Don’t forget who the monsters are. Those are seventeen-year-old Janneke’s three rules to surviving in the Permafrost. Her family is dead, her village burned to the ground, and now she’s a slave in a court of merciless goblins. Though her master, Soren, offers her a small sphere of protection, it comes at the cost of abandoning humanity and their ways for good.

When the Goblin King is defeated in a fight, it ignites an ancient competition to become the next King. The goal is simple: kill the sacred White Stag before the other goblins kill you. Soren sees it as the perfect opportunity to shape Janneke’s acceptance of the goblins’ way and give in to the hatred and violence festering inside of her.

Janneke’s only hope for survival is to outrun, outfight, and out-kill every creature in her path, all the while dealing with Soren, whose fierce desire for her to be a goblin is shadowed by his fascination with her human heart. Hunting the Stag is Janneke’s best chance at revenge over those who enslaved her, but to succeed, she’ll have to watch her humanity bleed out like the creatures she’s sworn to kill.

WHITE STAG is an 87,000 YA High Fantasy inspired by Northern Germanic folklore and the poem “ Der Erlkönig” by Johann Wolfgang van Goethe. It is a standalone with series potential that will appeal to fans of Sarah Ahiers’s ASSASSIN’S HEART and Sarah J. Maas’s A COURT OF THORNS AND ROSES.

A first draft of the novel is on Wattpad.com where it has garnered over 120,000 hits, a large following, and a consistent rank in the top twenty fantasy books on the site.
Thank you for your time.


Thank you for your time and consideration. The first ten pages are below as per your guidelines.
Sincerely,

Kara Barbieri

[kaytee]

Um, this sounds AMAZING and I need to read this book. What an awesome plot!!!

I'm glad it sounds amazing to someone, because I'm literally in the middle of reworking it right this moment and it's sparkle is really wearing off. I just have to push through! Thanks for the maybe inadvertent encouragement.

[Pandean]

Um, this sounds AMAZING and I need to read this book. What an awesome plot!!!

I'm glad it sounds amazing to someone, because I'm literally in the middle of reworking it right this moment and it's sparkle is really wearing off. I just have to push through! Thanks for the maybe inadvertent encouragement.

It DOES sound amazing. I remember when I first saw the query and was like "I would totally read that!" Good luck!

[Falthor]

I remember that query too...  inventive story idea.

[JessicaOhSoRabbit]

I did have quite the alternative path but in the end my query was successful so here it is:

Dear


Don’t show fear. Don’t attract attention. Don’t forget who the monsters are. Those are seventeen-year-old Janneke’s three rules to surviving in the Permafrost. Her family is dead, her village burned to the ground, and now she’s a slave in a court of merciless goblins. Though her master, Soren, offers her a small sphere of protection, it comes at the cost of abandoning humanity and their ways for good.

When the Goblin King is defeated in a fight, it ignites an ancient competition to become the next King. The goal is simple: kill the sacred White Stag before the other goblins kill you. Soren sees it as the perfect opportunity to shape Janneke’s acceptance of the goblins’ way and give in to the hatred and violence festering inside of her.

Janneke’s only hope for survival is to outrun, outfight, and out-kill every creature in her path, all the while dealing with Soren, whose fierce desire for her to be a goblin is shadowed by his fascination with her human heart. Hunting the Stag is Janneke’s best chance at revenge over those who enslaved her, but to succeed, she’ll have to watch her humanity bleed out like the creatures she’s sworn to kill.

WHITE STAG is an 87,000 YA High Fantasy inspired by Northern Germanic folklore and the poem “ Der Erlkönig” by Johann Wolfgang van Goethe. It is a standalone with series potential that will appeal to fans of Sarah Ahiers’s ASSASSIN’S HEART and Sarah J. Maas’s A COURT OF THORNS AND ROSES.

A first draft of the novel is on Wattpad.com where it has garnered over 120,000 hits, a large following, and a consistent rank in the top twenty fantasy books on the site.
Thank you for your time.


Thank you for your time and consideration. The first ten pages are below as per your guidelines.
Sincerely,

Kara Barbieri

This query was amazing. I love goblins, I really do. And I love the fact that you got right to the point. I like when you said, "inspired by," I may use that, once its ready again.

On another note, I actually started adding a story on watt pad, I hope that it grows just as much as yours did. Those are pretty impressive stats.

[Pandean]

I did have quite the alternative path but in the end my query was successful so here it is:

Dear


Don’t show fear. Don’t attract attention. Don’t forget who the monsters are. Those are seventeen-year-old Janneke’s three rules to surviving in the Permafrost. Her family is dead, her village burned to the ground, and now she’s a slave in a court of merciless goblins. Though her master, Soren, offers her a small sphere of protection, it comes at the cost of abandoning humanity and their ways for good.

When the Goblin King is defeated in a fight, it ignites an ancient competition to become the next King. The goal is simple: kill the sacred White Stag before the other goblins kill you. Soren sees it as the perfect opportunity to shape Janneke’s acceptance of the goblins’ way and give in to the hatred and violence festering inside of her.

Janneke’s only hope for survival is to outrun, outfight, and out-kill every creature in her path, all the while dealing with Soren, whose fierce desire for her to be a goblin is shadowed by his fascination with her human heart. Hunting the Stag is Janneke’s best chance at revenge over those who enslaved her, but to succeed, she’ll have to watch her humanity bleed out like the creatures she’s sworn to kill.

WHITE STAG is an 87,000 YA High Fantasy inspired by Northern Germanic folklore and the poem “ Der Erlkönig” by Johann Wolfgang van Goethe. It is a standalone with series potential that will appeal to fans of Sarah Ahiers’s ASSASSIN’S HEART and Sarah J. Maas’s A COURT OF THORNS AND ROSES.

A first draft of the novel is on Wattpad.com where it has garnered over 120,000 hits, a large following, and a consistent rank in the top twenty fantasy books on the site.
Thank you for your time.


Thank you for your time and consideration. The first ten pages are below as per your guidelines.
Sincerely,

Kara Barbieri

This query was amazing. I love goblins, I really do. And I love the fact that you got right to the point. I like when you said, "inspired by," I may use that, once its ready again.

On another note, I actually started adding a story on watt pad, I hope that it grows just as much as yours did. Those are pretty impressive stats.

Thanks. I'm kind of an anomaly because of how quickly I became popular, etc. My stats right now are at 158,000 reads and I get around 1-2 thousand per day.

Good luck!

[Falthor]

On another note, I actually started adding a story on watt pad, I hope that it grows just as much as yours did. Those are pretty impressive stats.

ah you need to lok us all up on wattpad, built in group of followers,etc...   I started a thread on wattpad usernames a couple weeks ago if you want to start there.

[Pandean]

On another note, I actually started adding a story on watt pad, I hope that it grows just as much as yours did. Those are pretty impressive stats.

ah you need to lok us all up on wattpad, built in group of followers,etc...   I started a thread on wattpad usernames a couple weeks ago if you want to start there.

Just a reminder that my success on Wattpad is an anomaly and that vey few stories are even picked up or anything. Honestly; you have better chances getting an agent.

ETA:

Of course that doesn't mean that you shouldn't post. It's fun. But it's not like a easier or foolproof way to become agented/etc. and I actually think the traditional route is easier. That being said you might not even care about that aspect.

I mainly just wanted to point out that getting a high amount of stats and all is probably less important than editing and querying and doing other things if you want to traditionally publish.

But Wattpad doesn't hurt you by any means.

[JessicaOhSoRabbit]

ah you need to lok us all up on wattpad, built in group of followers,etc...   I started a thread on wattpad usernames a couple weeks ago if you want to start there.

Oh this is perfect, where can I find this?