The X(cerpt) Files

[justwrite]

Nah... but is the damn plane going to crash or not??

I've been pretty productive today. Bad weather helps..but O, what boredom!

Tío flashed a squinty look at Mrs. Weinerhauser. She pursed her lips. Mateo continued to stare at his reflection, the stick straight hair that hung like a black curtain, brown dull skin and those shifting eyes. He couldn’t even look himself in the eye.
Tío pushed the paper toward Mrs. Weinerhauser. She sighed, took the paper and filed it. She leaned forward toward Mateo. “It’s never to late if you change your mind, Mateo, and take the G.E.D.” She flashed a hopeful look toward Tío. “Perhaps that would work better for your situation?”
Tío grunted and stood. “That’s up to Matty. If he can spare the time with the long hours he’ll be putting in.”
“Think about it Mateo. You know where to find me.”
Mateo couldn’t look at the woman. They were done. He felt bad leaving her alone with her dead plants and the ghosts of his lost future. He glanced one last time in the mirror, but not at his own face, for at that moment the door squeaked open and Chari stepped in.

[MelanieLane]

 

Where's the strawberry concoctions?

...Anywho, here we go! This is from my spy-esque WIP, Doublecrossers, INC.

  My dad’s job made him move every year or two. Instead of letting me get on with my life, my parents drag me with them all over the map. We stayed a whole three years in Chicago before we moved here a few weeks ago.
  ‘Here’ is hillbilly hell - especially after experiencing the wonderful varied cultures Chicago has to offer. Now I was in some remote town in southern Illinois about an hour outside of St. Louis. It’s filled with a bunch of country-music-loving white kids that don’t know M&M’s from Eminem, and if I don't see a black person or hear some hip-hop on the radio soon, I'm going to die a slow and painful death.
 
 

[audal]

The lightning swift comments before my post... No edits, just props & acknowledgements and a karma for you all for sharing...

JW: Feel free to like your WIP more than you've stated - it's cool stuff.
Dan: Re-write thumbs-up.  I can see the analytical mind relocating puzzle pieces.
Mel: Way to meet the challenge!  And a kick-tail title which has me thinkin' I might nickname you Deputy Fruit Loop.

I now interrupt the air-scare to leap ahead several chapters (which tells you that yes, JW, she at least survives)
____________________________________________

"Is there a way we can get the AC turned up?" he asks the dealer.  "It's too hot to think clearly with her sitting next to me."

"I bet you say that to all the girls," I say in that perfect mystery woman tone between come hither and don't bother.

Quick to pick up the pieces of his shattered pick-up line, he mumbles, "Maybe and stares into his cards."

So I re-engage him with a sly, "So what is it you say to all the women?"

[audal]

Hmmm.  Where did everyone go?

Well, far be it for me to deprive myself of self-indulgence.

And to JW:  If you see a 'THE END' beath the excerpt, that should answer your question!
----------------------
Reverie breaks, as the head flight attendant begins a steady and commanding chant of the crash position mantra: “HEADS DOWN, STAY DOWN, BRACE, BRACE!  HEADS DOWN, STAY DOWN, BRACE, BRACE!”

I tuck my head between my shaking knees and shut my eyes tight as my mind lands at the unkind irony of all this.  Sometimes life is most visible when its end is in sight.

[justwrite]

liked yours, A...really like the voice.
more zerpt from the JW WIP...

Mateo’s spirit gaped at her. She stepped through the chaos to get to him, to try to ask him why he jumped, but a fierce wind pummeled them from all sides. Struggling to keep her plum dress from riding up to her waist, she saw Mateo’s long hair blow around him like black flame.
“Hey!” He cried before the wind threw him in the air like a plastic bag. His slight figure receded like a child’s lost balloon until it disappeared behind the sun.
Stunned, she scanned the crowds. Tears pressed at her eyes but didn’t fall. She felt inexpressibly sad. Did he know by jumping his soul was forfeit?

[Miss Java]

Someone asked me last time if I was shooting for wistful melancholy in my last x-cerpt.   I had to look that up actually (I'm an idiot I know). Yes, I was!


Here is a new one.  I haven't gotten a lot of chances to work on my manuscript for a few days.  I cut a better section out of this chapter, but it still has many issues.  It is driving me crazy!

The animal-like screams surrounded him; some lingered in horrible howls and other cut abruptly short.  As his eyes adjusted to the light, he saw a man--or something much like a man--standing over him, dressed in golden armor. Light shone from him, and around him, as he slashed and stabbed with a sword which shone brighter than the flames of his father’s forge. The Dor’Jan burst into flames as he pierced them, and they fell to the ground shrieking before laying silent and still.

“Get up,” the warrior ordered.

Disoriented, Alec just stared at the massive warrior.

“Get up, I say!” The warrior hacked into another Dor’Jan. He looked down on Alec; where his eyes should have been, white light shone.

Alec still could not move.  He wasn’t sure if it was because of his weakness, or from shock. Before he could try again, he felt himself being grabbed from the ground, hurled through the air, and thrown upon the warrior’s back. 

The trees whirled by them much like they had when Alec had run free like the evening before, except the light of the warrior surrounded them, protecting them like day.  Alec’s head bounced on his back as the warrior’s powerful muscles shifted in battle. And then the shrieking finally diminished and Alec’s only consciousness was the steady drum of the warrior’s feet upon the ground.

[justwrite]

Well..I guess i have to pay up if i want to comment. I am really getting hooked on your book, Miss J! You really keep the action moving. I just wanted to note that in the first paragraph, maybe indicate you are referring to Alec's father, just for clarity and to nix some "hims". Good, good stuff, girlfriend!

Here's mine.

“What the- -?”
Five winged babies blew trumpets, parted and hovered midflight

Steve’s mouth was wide open but no sound came out. He was frozen in motion as if someone had paused a DVD. The gizmo flashed. BEHOLD.

Miranda shook it. “Behold?”

Diamond lights sparkled and whirled between the trumpeting babies. Steve’s office flickered, blurred to a transparent mist and vanished. Desk, couch, panoramic vista, screens; gone. All that remained was poor flash-frozen Steve, and Caleb, who backed up toward what used to be a wall.

Miranda squinted, shielding her eyes.

The thinnest outline of a robed and blindfolded woman holding a scale took shape.

“Behold, Lady Justice,” boomed a disembodied voice.

“She’s Up Here, too?”

[Miss Java]

Hey thanks JW!  I really liked your paused the DVD analogy.

Here is another x-cerpt, though it was hard to find one in this chapter that could stand alone and not make everyone confused.

Nolan couldn’t remember Alec ever looking more shocked as he staggered backward and emptied the entire desktop with a frantic sweep of his arm. He then continued stumbling back until he landed--rather ungracefully--on his backside.

Nolan leaned forward to help him up.

“Stop!” Alec held up his hand, palm open. “It’s impossible.  You can’t be a...a...”

“A Shay user?” Nolan smiled. “Yes, I can.”

“But how?”

“I received my power, much like anyone else.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?”

Nolan picked up the jar of ink from the ground. “Your opinion of the Shay hasn’t encouraged me to be more open with you. Besides, it is a well guarded secret. I haven’t known you long enough to tell.’
   
“Yet you blatantly display it now?”
   
Nolan sighed. “Well, it was necessary. I want you to understand--”
   
“Understand?” Alec glared at him. “You want me to understand that you are just as untrustworthy as your brother?”
   
“No," Nolan said. "I want you to understand that you don’t have to be like them.”
   
“Well, perhaps if you would have just told me before now.”
   
“And if I did?” Nolan said. “You would have trusted me more?  No. You would have hated me, without even knowing who I really am.”
   
Alec pressed his lips together in thought. Nolan had struck a cord.

[justwrite]

This zerpt is nothing much. I just posted coz i want to talk about yours Miss J.

At 3:30, Chari’s brother Rahmed came in scowling and marched around the store like the Health Department. At the same time, Miranda piled in with a horde of latte seeking friends. Andy Jarvis planted himself at a table, his muscular legs spread wide as if to display his goods. Mateo felt a bubble of anger inflate in his throat. He wanted to toss Andy’s latte in his smug face. He hated the way Andy licked his lips at Miranda and the way she tossed her hair in response.

I am so getting into your WIP. What's the state of things? It's really, really got my attention. This is exciting!!! I can't wait until you query.
(gave you some karma to show my appreciation).

[Miss Java]

Geesh.  Now I'm going to blush. 

Either that, or my head is going to start swelling really big.

Well, this thread worked.  I edited more manuscript just so I could respond. Thank you so much for the kudos JW.  As far as where I am at in my manuscript, I'm going through my 3rd draft.  Will probably be a few more months before I am at the query stage..

Alas... someday...

Here is my x-cerpt, per thread guidelines.  It is longer because I didn't have a good place to start and stop.

They followed him to the far side of the room where miscellaneous metal-crafted objects were propped against the wall: spades, hoes, hooks, cookware, and a thick iron torch lamp. Kardos picked up the latter and held it out for them to see.
   
“This has a removable spike on the end,” Kardos said. “You can carry it when traveling or stick it in the ground when you camp. Like so.” He speared it into the dirt floor.

“They look very well made,” Megan said.
   
Kardos’s brown eyes bored into hers. “Of course they are.”
   
Megan sucked in a silent breath at the intensity of his stare. His eyes mirrored the force behind his emotions.
   
Flann stepped between them. “How much?”
   
“Five gold apiece.”
   
“How many do you think we might need?” Flann asked.
   
“Depends,” Kardos said. “What kind of traveling are you planning?”
   
“We wanted to visit Fay’linn, as we’ve never been to the capital,” Flann lied.  They were traveling nowhere near Fay’linn.  “We don’t want to get caught unprepared, if you know what I mean.”
   
Kardos frowned. “It’s just the two of you then?”
   
“We’ll more than likely meet up with a couple of friends in Caldalk.”
   
“Four people?” Kardos rubbed the stubble on his chin. “I’d say eight torches would make a good border for a camp.”
   
“Eight?” Flann said. From his stern expression, he was calculating the expense in his head. And the numbers weren’t looking so good.  “I don’t have forty now. We could give you twenty, and in a few days time you can have the remainder.”
   
Kardos yanked the torch out of the ground. “I only work for payment in advance.”
   
“Oh, Kardos,” Bonty cut in, “give them the torches.”
   
“It’s my shop.  I’ll run it as I see fit.”
   
“You’re a stubborn ox, Kardos Deverell. You probably have that much on your bill at the pub.”
   
“A mug of ale takes a lot less time to make then a torch.”
   
“But if you add enough mugs together, they can cost more than an army’s worth of torches.”
   
Kardos grunted and walked back towards his forge “Come back when you have enough to pay in full.”
   
Bonty caught his arm. “By Brim, you are thick-headed. I’ll pay for the rest of their bill.” 
   
Kardos glared at her. “Don’t be mad, woman. How well do you know these people?”
   
“Well enough for me to make my own decisions.  It’s my coin. I’ll do with it as I see fit.” 
   
With some effort, Bonty wrestled a small leather pouch out between her large breasts. After removing a few coins and stuffing the pouch back in her cleavage, she held out the coins to Kardos with her meaty hand.
   
Megan suppressed a laugh from the shocked look on both Flann and Kardos’s faces. Bonty continued to hold out the coins and a faint pink color seemed to shine under the dark smudging on the blacksmith's cheeks.
   
“Take it,” Bonty said.
   
Kardos--who didn’t look like he knew quite what to do--did what he was told.

[Miss Java]

Where is everyone??  Aren't you supposed to be writing?? 

I've really been enjoying reading everyone else's stuff, though I don't say much usually.  When I get wrapped up in my own editing/writing I usually say little.



Here is a short one this time.  I've been monopolizing this thread enough.

   Rylan nodded numbly and hesitated before he walked over to the tree.  He wrapped his arms around the trunk and inhaled. His eyes began to glow red with Strength, subtly at first and then brighter. He yelled out--his veins protruding on his thin neck--as he pulled the tree from the ground. The earth moved beneath them all as the roots loudly popped free from their soil bed.

[audal]

OK, Miss J, I'll throw one out there so you don't feel like a X-cerpt hog!  Though honestly, thinkin' you're monopolizing is a good thing, right?  Means you're kickin' tail, takin' names, and I can't stop talikn' like I'm in a western saloon.

Here's a new one:

While I was away, Silas purchased four full acres here at the corner of Dustbowl and Shrubbery.  The city is apparently to the south.  The slightly snow-capped San Gabriel’s to the north are lovely, but right now I’d rather hike them than look at them.  And while Silas says this is where he’ll build his dream home and that these acres are the start of the rest of him, I say it’s the start of a brushfire.

[Miss Java]

Ok...everyone get out of the tavern and start working!!!


I'm expecting all the regulars to have something posted in this thread sometime today.


 

A haunted look passed over Emery’s face. “There is a fine line between us and our enemies. The Rol’dan stopped focusing on what was noble and pure when they accepted their position.  We--on the other hand--must stay straight on the path of good, otherwise we lose who we are and become exactly like them. Hate what they do, not who they are; they are lost to themselves. They deserve our pity instead.”

“Pity the Rol’dan?” said Kardos slowly, as if the words tasted bitter in his mouth.  “You want me to pity them after what they did to my dear Norah? They ravished and killed her while my boy had to watch. And then they blamed her for what happened, as if she were some common whore. You can’t possibly understand what I’ve been through. You’d hate them too if you were there.”

Emery turned from Kardos and walked towards the entrance to the temple. “Come with me. We have much to discuss.  Though I’m afraid that you will like little of what I have to say.”

[audal]

Whoa!  Wake up this morning & what do I see?

Padlocks on the doors of the Tavern and the Cafe!

  How's a writer supposed get anything done without the appropriate cocktails beverages?! 

OK, very well.  I also have felt that I'd monopolized this thread a bit, but rules are rules.  And rather than fight prohibition by creating a subversive & separate speakeasy, I think I'll just face the trial King Patrick hath put forth.  I am but a humble jungle subject!

This X-cerpt made a brief debut in the Tavern last night when I sought Loth's quick opinion.  It's been tweaked a bit & is now officially X-cerpt ready.

So, does this count as just 1 post toward the end of prohibition, or can we count Miss J's, too?

X-cerpt

My present days cannot measure up alongside this great height of my history, so I assemble an insomniac fantasy that will veil the very truth of me.  With the television droning low in the background, I want only to revel once more before Monday comes and shackles me to the inflexible rails of routine.

[elknutswife]

Okay, I've decided to be brave and post a little something.  I want this particular passage to convey fear, terror.  Now, it doesn't take much to scare me, so I don't think I am very good at writing this particular kind of thing, but my MC is supposed to be terrified here.  Comments are welcome (well, nicely phrased ones anyhow) 


Min hurried out of the room, careful to replace the tapestry that hid the entrance.  She was backing away, making sure that there was no evidence of the door, when she heard the distinct sound of footsteps coming towards her.  Min froze in alarm.  Though her mind knew it was probably just another student, or one of the instructors or servants, there had been too many stories of late of strange noises and ghostly lights.  Min held her breath as the footsteps came nearer.  She quickly blew out her candle and pressed herself into the wall.
   The footsteps grew louder and stronger until at last they stopped only a few feet from where she hid next to the curtained window.  An invisible hand reached out and twitched the draperies aside, letting the strong moonlight spill into the corridor.  Min could make out the large, dark shadow of a man.  Though she tried to keep silent, her breath came faster as her heart beat in desperate time to her panic.  The shadow lunged at her.  Min opened her mouth to scream, but the sound was cut off by the pressure of a very large hand. 
   Her head swam as her terror clawed its way through her body, but she began to kick and twist frantically as the shadow wrapped its arms around her.