QueryTracker Community
June 23, 2018, 09:05:34 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News:
 
   Home   Help Search Login Register  
Note: This forum uses different usernames and passwords than those of the main QueryTracker site. 
Please register if you want to post messages.

This forum is also accessible by the public (including search engines).
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Synora Symphony - a Novel About PTSD  (Read 7792 times)
longknife
Hero Member
*****

Karma: 186
Offline Offline

Posts: 1126



« on: June 28, 2016, 03:11:31 PM »

I've had a novel sitting around since 2008 and am having a difficult time finding an agent or publisher for it. I am seriously thinking of self-publishing it. Would appreciate your reaction to the following sales pitch.

A Warrior's Unseen Wounds Healed by Papago Indian Medicine

Staff Sergeant Ray Daniels doesn't know who he is, how he got where he is, or what the future holds in store for him. All he knows is that doctors continue plying him with pills and injections. Having enough, he goes AWOL, riding through the night until his Guiding Spirits lead him to a Papago Indian elder who takes him in with a desire to heal the mental wounds of war with traditional American Indian medicine and the healing sights and sounds of the Sonora Desert. Ray must regain himself in order to regain his life.

(And this is the cover I'm thinking of using for it)

« Last Edit: June 28, 2016, 03:13:29 PM by longknife » Logged

A Soldier's Stories @ http://lvcabbie.blogspot.com
Father Serra's Legacy @ http://msgdaleday.blogspot.com
24_Stars
Hero Member
*****

Karma: 15
Offline Offline

Posts: 342


Patience and perserverance is key to success.


« Reply #1 on: August 26, 2016, 06:40:33 PM »

Sounds like something I'd read if I saw a pitch like this.

However, my question is this: Could turn you this paragraph into one sentence?

I'm curious to know how it would read out.
« Last Edit: August 26, 2016, 06:42:20 PM by 24_Stars » Logged
jcwrites
Hero Member
*****

Karma: 46
Online Online

Posts: 239


« Reply #2 on: August 26, 2016, 08:06:33 PM »

That third sentence is 49 words long. That's a beast (try reading it aloud); can't you break it up?

And your last sentence ("…regain himself to regain his life.") sounds new-agey. Tell us what he really has to do.

The premise, though, sounds pretty cool, but I hope there's more to it than Indian medicine and desert scenery.

Logged
Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.2 | SMF © 2006-2007, Simple Machines LLC Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!