This is pretty intriguing. A couple of thoughts. One is that I think you've got a couple more floors to go on the elevator.
What would your second sentence be? What's the next phase of the story?
The second is the use of the possessive: "Detective Max Herczeg's guardian angel." Has she intervened on his behalf before? Is this an ongoing protective relationship? Or is this the first time she's saved his bacon? The use of the possessive seems to indicate that she's sort of "assigned to him." If that's the case, that relationship could become part of the pitch as well.
I'd totally be ready to read the beginning of the story based on this intro.