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Author Topic: Strains of Light  (Read 1036 times)
Rhapsodeste
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« on: January 24, 2017, 10:22:00 PM »

Heaving a noisy sigh, Eric flung his arms and legs out in a stretch, allowing his long limbs to spring from under his desk. If Alex didn’t shut her mouth soon, he was going to kill her. Or himself. It just didn’t matter any more.
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Falthor
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Picture of Me and one of the Twins (Chloe)


« Reply #1 on: January 25, 2017, 12:47:33 PM »

this made me smile...   I love the description and you can tell exactly what situation is going on here.  How many peopel have been stuck behind a desk while a teacher or student prattled on, and you're just sitting there wishing you had a gun to shoot them because they aren't just boring you but putting you to sleep as well.

while it's nto the most hooking intro, I did get right into that character's headspace through a shared expirience.  I like it.
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“The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.”

-Douglas Adams, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.
Lupdiga
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« Reply #2 on: August 10, 2017, 08:23:24 PM »

I like it! But to be honest I wonder if it would be better if the second half came first? Because that's the bit that makes me want to read more.

Eg.

If she didn’t shut her mouth soon, Eric was going to kill her.
Or himself. It just didn’t matter any more.
[maybe Alex talking]
Heaving a noisy sigh, Eric flung his arms and legs out in a stretch, allowing his long limbs to spring from under his desk.

Feel free to also ignore this advice, haha. You write well so  Grin!
« Last Edit: August 10, 2017, 08:26:05 PM by Lupdiga » Logged
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