I really like this premise! This version gives a much better description of your plot. My big worry (and I'm not exactly sure if this is a real problem) -- Is your first 3 paragraphs completely backstory? I've added some suggestions below to help you get to the present part of the story faster. Hopefully someone else will weigh in about the backstory issue. I can't really figure out a better way to word this query. I like it, though! Especially the ending
For eighteen-year-old Lucca de Moretti, being sold out by your people sucks,
but what’s worse is when you’re sold out to a and his
worse than death.
Three hundred years ago Lucca
killed a Shaman’s son during a surprise raid attack from a local war party. Claiming self-defense, the war party demanded his village hand over the person responsible
for killing the shaman’s son or they would return the following evening and burn the rest of their village to the ground.
It didn’t take much of a debate, Lucca was handed over without a second thought.
He only wished the war party would have killed him that day, ended his suffering then. But obviously,
the Shaman crafted
had set aside craftier plans for his punishment.
A curse that would bind Lucca
forever to this world (comma)
while the love of his life died over and over again,
so as a way to make Lucca feel the loss he had caused the Shaman. Retribution made physical So
every century Lucca’s love returns to him with a new name, a new family, and a new life. Completely unaware of the curse they’re trapped in. Joanna aka ‘Jo Choate’, his true loves latest incarnation (comma)
thinks he’s just another teenage boy with a chip on his shoulder who has a bad habit of following her around.
She has no clue that the clock is ticking, that all her dreams are memories, and that the more she remembers the closer to death she becomes. That her memories are working like a disease. A virus meant to destroy her system from the inward out. She always dies three days shy of her eighteenth birthday when she finally remembers everything, all of the lives she’s ever lived and all the people she’s ever been.
But Lucca’s had enough. He no longer cares about breaking the curse or even saving himself. All he cares about is stealing away her memories and making the pain stop. However, Jo’s been keeping secrets. Secrets he’s been unaware of for over three centuries. Secrets that threatened to ruin his plan of saving Jo’s life entirely, and how is he supposed to save someone who doesn’t want to be saved?