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Author Topic: Query-Love in Reality (Contemporary Romance)  (Read 1037 times)
mgmystery
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« Reply #15 on: June 23, 2017, 08:07:37 AM »

Lots of good advice here already. I agree about your writing being smooth  Smiley

As far as losing the names--"His best friend and his former agent have joined forces to concoct a plan..."? Also, you finished the paragraph about Angus with a question.

The biggest thing missing for me is how Paige convinces her to go through with it. Does she always roll over for Paige? Did Paige forge her signature on a contract? And I hate to add more work... but I'd also like a clue of how hatred turns to love.

An unrelated question--Aren't you already querying something that's getting responses? I thought it's frowned upon to query more than one project at once. Or maybe that's something I've misunderstood somewhere?
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Falthor
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« Reply #16 on: June 23, 2017, 08:34:47 AM »

yeah just restating what I said before... 

I still don't see how Paige convinces her to go on the show, and I still don't see even a hint of their hatred turning to love.
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ejmccay
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« Reply #17 on: June 23, 2017, 07:30:19 PM »

I don't know about the more than one project query thing. I'm new to this.

Trying again.

Dog groomer Penelope Cooper is happily single. The toilet seat is always down and everything’s always where she left it. Her twin sister Paige thinks Penelope needs a little excitement. When she hears about Celebrity Proposal conducting a contest, Paige auditions as Penelope…and wins. If Penelope doesn’t go through with it, Paige is going to be facing charges of fraud.

Angus MacLachlan loved being Hollywood's hottest leading man until a bitter, high-profile breakup soured audiences. Now he's got to charm everyone back into the theaters. What better way than a reality TV show where he supposedly falls in love? Instant image-fix and a great way to show the world he's back to being his charismatic, fun-loving self.

Penelope has no interest in Angus and the feeling is mutual, but ratings are ratings. Their on-screen fiery interactions leave the audience wanting more and the producers seeing green. They’ve got twelve weeks of living together in a massive Montana mansion. And based on their interactions, the house isn’t big enough for the two of them.
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gckatz
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« Reply #18 on: June 26, 2017, 12:20:59 AM »

I think this is going great. There will always be little tweaks people want, but this is so solid as-is. I say go for it.

(My last tiny tweak: Change "is going to be facing" to "will face." That's all. Done. I'll stop talking.)
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mgmystery
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« Reply #19 on: June 26, 2017, 08:38:17 AM »

I agree with gckats. This is pretty much a tight query, so use what you can & disregard whatever doesn't work  Smiley.

Dog groomer Penelope Cooper is happily single. The toilet seat is always down and everything’s always where she left it. Her twin sister Paige thinks Penelope needs a little excitement. When she hears about (I liked Gobbo's idea for an explanation here.) Celebrity Proposal conducting a contest, Paige auditions as Penelope…and wins. If Penelope doesn’t go through with it, Paige is going to be facing charges of fraud. (NICE! Very good quick explanation here!)

Angus MacLachlan loved being Hollywood's hottest leading man until a bitter, high-profile breakup soured audiences. Now he's got to charm everyone back into the theaters. What better way than a reality TV show where he supposedly falls in love? will be an Instant image-fix and a great way to show the world he's back to being his charismatic, fun-loving self. (Sorry, but I've seen so many comments from agents about how they answer rhetorical questions out loud--& not in a nice way.)

Penelope has no interest in Angus and the feeling is mutual, but ratings are ratings. Their on-screen fiery interactions leave the audience wanting more and the producers seeing green. They’ve got twelve weeks of living together in a massive Montana mansion. And based on their interactions, the house isn’t big enough for the two of them. (I wonder if you could add a fragment here about their off-screen feelings to hint at the potential romance?)
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ejmccay
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« Reply #20 on: August 10, 2017, 09:48:46 AM »

I wanted to say thanks to everyone for the help with this query. I got a call yesterday from an agent offering representation for this novel. Smiley
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gckatz
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« Reply #21 on: August 10, 2017, 12:03:56 PM »

Congratulations! And stick this in the successful queries thread!
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slightlysmall
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« Reply #22 on: August 10, 2017, 05:09:10 PM »

I wanted to say thanks to everyone for the help with this query. I got a call yesterday from an agent offering representation for this novel. Smiley

Congratulations! That's wonderful news!
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Falthor
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« Reply #23 on: August 10, 2017, 07:39:50 PM »

Awesome news.
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ejmccay
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« Reply #24 on: August 11, 2017, 01:50:39 AM »

Thanks, everyone. Smiley
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mgmystery
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« Reply #25 on: August 11, 2017, 07:27:01 AM »

Congratulations ejmccay!!  clap
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samcantcook
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« Reply #26 on: August 11, 2017, 02:37:24 PM »

Congrats! You gotta keep us posted so we can all go buy it when it comes out.
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ejmccay
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« Reply #27 on: August 13, 2017, 08:30:49 AM »

Thanks, guys. I will let you know. Smiley
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