QueryTracker Community
May 23, 2018, 05:26:52 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News:
 
   Home   Help Search Login Register  
Note: This forum uses different usernames and passwords than those of the main QueryTracker site. 
Please register if you want to post messages.

This forum is also accessible by the public (including search engines).
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Willa's Dawn synopsis  (Read 1383 times)
newtothis22
Jr. Member
**

Karma: 2
Offline Offline

Posts: 36


« on: October 18, 2017, 02:14:23 AM »

I am taking a small break from my frustrating query writing to work on my synopsis. It is 782 words so a little long. Any advice would be appreciated.

WILLA TAYLOR awakens early, haunted by the recurring dream of her parent’s death. She feels the rock and sway of her uncle’s ship as it takes her on a meandering journey to her dreaded future in England.
 
Willa is a half Seminole orphan who was raised by her extended family and a warrior guardian from her mother’s people. She is an independent, stubborn eighteen-year-old who enjoys using her own vast means to help orphans that were not so fortunate.
 
She is forced to leave her home in America and journey to England in order to fulfil a betrothal contract her father made with his best friend Ian Sinclair. Willa is expected to choose between Ian’s two sons to marry. Willa’s dowry includes the Sinclair hereditary lands that was lost long ago in a foolish game of chance. Against her families wishes, she hopes to end the long-standing agreement. She heads off on her journey with plans to offer the Sinclair’s the land in trade for ending the betrothal so she may return home without a husband.
   
LIAM SINCLAIR is a hard-working, arrogant, but jaded man. He along with his brother run his father’s shipping business. Liam catches up to Willa in the French city of St. Nazaire where she defies him by sneaking off to the slums of the city. Her intentions were good but her desire to assert her own will over his dictatorial commands made her behave more recklessly than usual.

Liam, coming upon her surrounded by a large group of street ruffians valiantly but foolishly protecting two children with only a knife, did little for his dwindling patience. He retaliates by asserting his dominance with a passionate kiss neither would soon forget.
 
He realizes he is attracted to her but after being betrayed before the age of twenty and losing a fiancée to the sea, he never plans to marry. He pushes Willa towards his brother even though it makes him angry to see them together. His brother elopes with another, leaving Willa and Liam the only ones left to fulfil the contract.
 
Knowing it was the only way to regain their hereditary lands and remembering the promise he made to his friend to protect Willa, Ian refuses to release Willa or his son Liam from the contract.
 
When the whirl of a London season brings them together again and again they begin to fall in love. London also brings danger.

Willa was a witness to her parent’s murder and the man who murdered them was living in England as a fraudulent Baron. He always wanted her mother. When he sees Willa, he decides she will fulfil an old fantasy and begins to make his heinous plans. First, he snatches Willa from a ball but she was rescued by Liam and her Seminole guardian before they could get far. There is also a woman who is obsessed with having Liam for herself and tries everything to sabotage their relationship. After they are married she spreads rumors that she is carrying Liam’s child and places her own maid in their home to reaffirm those rumors to Willa.
 
Willa is in ignorant bliss for the first few weeks of their marriage. While they are secluded in their manor house in Scotland, she falls deeply in love with her husband. It isn’t until Liam was called away for business that the rumors reach her, at about the same time Willa realizes she is carrying Liam's child. Willa was heartbroken about the rumored betrayal. Liam stays away for far longer than planned and it only makes the stories Willa is hearing more believable. She alienates herself from the people around her while she contemplates her future. She finally realizes her husband could never do the things being said about him.
 
Just as Liam returns, Willa is kidnapped once again by the fraudulent Baron. This time no one knew where she had gone. She was taken to a secluded cabin and the first chance she gets she defends herself with her lethal knife. She leaves the man who murdered her parents bleeding out on the floor while she makes good her escape. Liam, with the help of other’s, tracks her to the cabin to find the dead man but no Willa. Frantically they continue to track her, they find her just as the snowstorm that was threatening converges. Liam rushes an unconscious Willa home and has her examined by a doctor.

Liam finds out she is carrying his child and while she is recovering from her bruises and a cold he hovers protectively over the woman he loves. When their daughter is born he holds her tenderly wondering if she will run him as ragged as her mother. 
« Last Edit: October 24, 2017, 11:30:39 PM by newtothis22 » Logged
newtothis22
Jr. Member
**

Karma: 2
Offline Offline

Posts: 36


« Reply #1 on: October 24, 2017, 11:33:42 PM »

Ok, so no one is commenting. Is it that bad? lol 
Logged
J. Paul Barnett
Jr. Member
**

Karma: 2
Offline Offline

Posts: 34



WWW
« Reply #2 on: October 25, 2017, 08:24:12 AM »

I don't have specific edits in mind, but I think that your sentence structure tends to be too uniform and simple, which makes the entire synopsis hard to sit through. I would suggest you vary your sentence structure more throughout.

Synopses are the worst, I realize, but I would also suggest you try to work in more of the voice of the book (I'm assuming that your book has more of a unique voice). Personally, this isn't the type of book I would read, so it's hard for me to give you suggestions beyond that.

Good luck!
Logged
newtothis22
Jr. Member
**

Karma: 2
Offline Offline

Posts: 36


« Reply #3 on: October 25, 2017, 04:21:20 PM »

I understand that this isn't your preferred genre, thanks for taking the time to help me out. I wrote this synopsis from one of the many guidelines. I will go back and give it more voice.  wink2
Logged
Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.2 | SMF © 2006-2007, Simple Machines LLC Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!