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Author Topic: Pale Beauty 4th revision  (Read 140 times)
Kjk
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« on: November 27, 2017, 01:02:24 AM »

I wanted to thank all of you for you advice, revisions and encouragement. It is truly appreciated, especially for a first timer. Thanks again.



Dear,

     Amnesia, the scars across his body and living in an aluminum shed by the ocean don’t seem to bother Elias. He is more worried about walking along the beach at night. Especially since he convinced himself that his home along the shore in Havana is haunted and that something terrible lies just beyond the waves. Otherwise he is content, most of the time, to live like a hermit who has no memory of his past.

     Than a mysterious whisper appears out of nowhere. Each time he hears that airy hiss, the most vivid visions of his past are revealed. Spanning 30 years, he can suddenly recall once being in love, meeting a strange black-eyed woman, joining a dangerous revolutionary group and, when the brutality of war proved too much, attempting to escape that life only to be betrayed.

     While reliving these memories, Elias discovers happiness with a kind nurse named Maria. However, they begin to grow apart as he questions whether the whisper and visions are real. Only after encountering Miguel, a hated superior from his past, does he see an opportunity. By stalking him, Elias can finally confirm his sanity or insanity.

     Yet, as he delves deeper into his dreams, an ancient world, or fantasy, begins to demand a form of justice that could completely ruin his relationship with Maria. Especially when, as he pursues Miguel, he learns who betrayed him and why he was afraid to walk the beach at night.

     I think my novel, A Pale Beauty on the Bluest Night, would be a good fit for your current list. It is set during three tumultuous periods in Cuban history: the Cuban revolution, Castro’s communist takeover and the fall of the Soviet Union. It is literary fiction with a word count of 87,000.
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deutschlandchick
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« Reply #1 on: November 27, 2017, 01:19:25 AM »

Love it! ❤️ I am a sucker for literary fiction! Hope you will find an agent soon!
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mgmystery
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« Reply #2 on: November 27, 2017, 07:40:05 AM »

Nice job with this rewrite!  clap This version is much clearer. I'd test it. Good luck!
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MKWrites_318
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« Reply #3 on: November 27, 2017, 10:49:03 PM »

LOVE the beginning. Seriously.

The only thing I would change is the "than" that starts paragraph 2. It should be "then."

I might, and this is just a taste thing, say "...finally confirm his sanity or madness" instead of "insanity," but it's not a flaw at all. I'm just being persnickety because that's who I am as a person. lol

I think it's ready to try out! Smiley
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