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Author Topic: To Live With Honor - memoir  (Read 1021 times)
TimandHonor
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Warrior. Writer. Dragon tamer.


« on: November 28, 2017, 11:06:49 PM »

Through scars and folded stars, a haunted warrior and his crippled horse risk life and love against the impossible to reforge the one word that binds them: Honor.

If this doesn’t work, I’ve considered tap dancing.
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kwill79
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« Reply #1 on: November 29, 2017, 10:38:10 AM »

This is really good, but I'm a little unsure what the 'folded stars' refers to?  Is that a flag?  Don't they only do that when someone dies?  You should enter in one of the twitter pitch contests and see how it does!  Overall, it's good--clear and concise with the main characters, conflict, and goal outlined in just one sentence.
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jcwrites
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« Reply #2 on: November 29, 2017, 11:02:54 AM »

Here's where you lose me:

"--life and love against the impossible to reforge the one word that binds them: Honor."

How do you risk something against something? And how do you reforge a word? (Maybe they reforge, say, a bond?) And if that word still binds them, why does it need reforging? These are highly semantical nits, but in a query, every word choice must be the best it can be (no pun intended).

But here's the main thing I see: In that first half, you incorporated solid images--scars, folded stars (nice rhyme), haunted, warrior, crippled. Man, that's golden. But in the last half, you wander into the abstract--life, love, impossible. Replace it with a phrase that reveals the challenge you and your partner faced and you'll have a dynamite hook.
« Last Edit: November 29, 2017, 11:04:43 AM by jcwrites » Logged
TimandHonor
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« Reply #3 on: December 01, 2017, 03:20:53 AM »

Seriously fantastic critiques. Thank you.

So to answer a few questions, and perhaps inspire the hivemind a little:

The name of the book is triple-meaning. I was an Honor Guard in D.C. and spent a lot of time at Dover Port mortuary folding flags (“folded stars”) in the Afg./Iraq days. So my life revolved around the word “honor” which walked hand-in-hand with death to the point they were synonymous. Bunch-o-stuff happens, insert drama, and I find myself 7 years later, bereft and dejected, hopeless and wandering, uncertain of what honor really was but certain it was’t me.

Fate drags me to a wretched livestock auction on the frayed edge of Oklahoma City. I knew nothing of and had never owned a horse. But I made an impulse buy just to spare horse #2167’s life. The filthy Thoroughbred colt, abandoned and left for slaughter, came with only one thing: a name, printed on wrinkled paper— “Honor.”

A year later, he impales himself on a fence post and bleeds out twice. Vet says he should have been dead both times. When he doesn’t die, he’s diagnosed “crippled for life” and that allowing him to run would kill him.

To quote Monty Python: “He got better.” ...and I let him run—because he could.

Now with that madly abbreviated rundown, how do I sharpen the vagueries of the last half of the pitch?
« Last Edit: December 04, 2017, 01:26:59 PM by TimandHonor » Logged
slightlysmall
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« Reply #4 on: December 04, 2017, 02:36:07 PM »

I suck at pitches and have no suggestions except to say that sounds really interesting.
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