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Author Topic: Elevator pitch critique  (Read 1036 times)
kwill79
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« on: December 01, 2017, 01:24:24 PM »

I am planning on posting this for the #PitMad pitch party next week and would like some input.  Any and all suggestions appreciated! Also, title recommendations would be great!

A Team for Zia (PB, 6-8 years, Diversity)

Zia the Zebra goes to school w/horses & loves her horse friends. But when team sports are determined based on hair color, Zia becomes ashamed & doesn't want to play. W/a little creativity, her friends find a way to include everyone--dark hair, light hair, or both!
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mgmystery
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« Reply #1 on: December 04, 2017, 07:45:48 AM »

This is a cute pitch! Just make sure it fits the character requirements (I think they have a word or letter count) and has the proper hashtags. Good luck!
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kwill79
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« Reply #2 on: December 04, 2017, 10:23:27 AM »

Thank you mgmystery!
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kwill79
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« Reply #3 on: December 04, 2017, 10:45:57 AM »

Realized I didn't actually have the 'stakes' mentioned in my pitch, so here's my revised effort:

Zia Zebra longs to play soccer with her friends. But when sports teams are divided by colors, Zia feels left out & fears she’ll never fit in. She & her friends must put their heads together for a creative solution, or Zia may never get to be part of the team.

Thoughts?
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TimandHonor
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Warrior. Writer. Dragon tamer.


« Reply #4 on: December 04, 2017, 02:07:48 PM »

Your revised pitch is gold. Best of luck this week!
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kwill79
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« Reply #5 on: December 04, 2017, 02:18:43 PM »

Thank you TimandHonor, you made my day!
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