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Author Topic: Elevator Pitch - YA contemporary  (Read 396 times)
slightlysmall
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« on: December 04, 2017, 01:06:34 PM »

I hate these, but I want to give #PitMad a try anyway now that we get 280 characters. Thoughts on any would be great.

17yo Blanca writes songs about her "soul mate" Lucas, whom she hasn't seen in years. When he returns nothing like she imagined with no HEA in sight, her songs could reinforce her ideas about destiny or finally pull her toward the less-than-perfect truth.
#PidMad #YA #Con

17yo Blanca's been writing songs about Lucas since he moved. A cute guitarist wants her songs for his band. His hatred for Lucas means the impossible task of writing about something else, made even more impossible when Lucas returns nothing like she remembers.
#PitMad #YA #Con

To be fair, I kinda like this one:

When 17yo Blanca's "soul mate" returns, she must confront her idealistic views of love or give up her Happily in pursuit of Ever After
THE SUN IS ALSO A STAR meets I AM NOT YOUR PERFECT MEXICAN DAUGHTER
#PitMad #YA #con

We get up to three but I could use one for all three pitches...
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TimandHonor
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« Reply #1 on: December 04, 2017, 01:53:54 PM »

SS,

First off, best of luck w/ #PitMad, if anything it's a great exercise in formulating a pitch and nailing the pith of your story. I agree, I do like the formatting of the last one best, but it's missing that dagger-hook that makes me want to dive in. I'm also not a fan of "x title meets y title" for a twitter pitch. Just a personal preference. IMO, those characters could be better used to sharpen your hook. "...or give up her Happily..." from this point on, it's just vagaries.

When 17yo Bianca's "soul mate" returns after years away, she must confront her idealistic views when the object of her fawning song lyrics shatters that image. Her songs wield the power to salvage her ideas of romance, if they don't break her heart first. #PitMad #YA #Con

Just spitballing. That fits with 9 characters remaining. Again, best of luck!
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slightlysmall
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« Reply #2 on: December 04, 2017, 02:10:51 PM »

SS,

First off, best of luck w/ #PitMad, if anything it's a great exercise in formulating a pitch and nailing the pith of your story. I agree, I do like the formatting of the last one best, but it's missing that dagger-hook that makes me want to dive in. I'm also not a fan of "x title meets y title" for a twitter pitch. Just a personal preference. IMO, those characters could be better used to sharpen your hook. "...or give up her Happily..." from this point on, it's just vagaries.

When 17yo Bianca's "soul mate" returns after years away, she must confront her idealistic views when the object of her fawning song lyrics shatters that image. Her songs wield the power to salvage her ideas of romance, if they don't break her heart first. #PitMad #YA #Con

Just spitballing. That fits with 9 characters remaining. Again, best of luck!

Thanks! I've found the X meets Y ones actually fare the best in Twitter pitches so I wanted to have at least one with the comps, although why I had to find comps with such long names is beyond me. (Also, IANYPMD has a lot of family drama that I'm trying to hint at by including it; unlike SUN, it is not strictly a romance and shows that Fate and First Loves don't always work out.)

To tweak yours (and remain unhappy with them...):

When 17yo Blanca's "soul mate" returns after years away, she must confront her romanticism that his return shatters. Her song lyrics could be her salvation, if she can stray from the path she once thought was Fate. #PitMad #YA #Con

Or

17yo Blanca must confront her idealistic views when the object of her fawning song lyrics shatters her projection of him. Her songs wield the power to salvage her ideas of romance, if she can release her grip on the future and live now. #PitMad #YA #Con
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TimandHonor
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« Reply #3 on: December 04, 2017, 02:34:12 PM »

When 17yo Blanca's "soul mate" returns after years away, she must confront her romanticism that his return shatters. Her song lyrics could be her salvation, if she can stray from the path she once thought was Fate. #PitMad #YA #Con

Like what you did here. I cocked my head a little at "if she can stray from the path..." I think I know what you're saying, but it's kind of soupy. Maybe something along the lines of, "if she can reforge her ideas of destiny?" Not sure of the word that would cut the sharpest here, but then again, I guess that's why this process exists.
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slightlysmall
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« Reply #4 on: December 04, 2017, 02:44:14 PM »

When 17yo Blanca's "soul mate" returns after years away, she must confront her romanticism that his return shatters. Her song lyrics could be her salvation, if she can stray from the path she once thought was Fate. #PitMad #YA #Con

Like what you did here. I cocked my head a little at "if she can stray from the path..." I think I know what you're saying, but it's kind of soupy. Maybe something along the lines of, "if she can reforge her ideas of destiny?" Not sure of the word that would cut the sharpest here, but then again, I guess that's why this process exists.

*Apologies in advance for the plethora of parenthetical comments and random capitalizations. They are my downfall in casual writing.*

Yeah, these are hard. (And I don't even mention her pregnant best friend! Or her soon-to-be deported cousin! Or the guitarist with a crush on her! Or her mother's past that haunts her and connects her to her daughter! Or the problems her "soul mate" has with his family that ultimately give her her Truth!)

The book's theme is how the stories we choose to tell—and those we choose to hide—define us, but do not let us escape what really is. Everyone in the story has ideas about How They Think Their Life Should Go. Blanca's is marry her soul mate. Her mother's is to be with her long-lost love. His mother's is to save a failing marriage. His father's mistress's is to be with the married man she loves. All of them have to make choices about whether what they think should be or what actually is is more important.

All that to say, Blanca feels she should be on the path Fate decided for her (i.e., she decided for herself), that of marrying her childhood best friend. Leaving it is a Really Big Deal. The choice she confronts is getting what she wants (a relationship with Lucas) at the cost of her underlying need (actually being happy). Lucas, in case it isn't clear, turns out to not be all that great of a guy.
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MookyMcD
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« Reply #5 on: December 05, 2017, 12:10:46 AM »

Is the key choice that she basically has to kill off the person she's invented through her songs and fallen in love with by seeing him as he really is or convince herself to stay in love with a fantasy she created?
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I put the nati in Illuminati
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slightlysmall
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« Reply #6 on: December 05, 2017, 03:22:57 PM »

Is the key choice that she basically has to kill off the person she's invented through her songs and fallen in love with by seeing him as he really is or convince herself to stay in love with a fantasy she created?

Basically. (Although I had to read this twice before I realized you didn't want her taking a gun to the guy's head...) She finds out at the midpoint--after he's kissed her--that he has a girlfriend but is okay with her being his "on the side" or whatever. So she has to decide if it's worth it to go against her morals to get the relationship with him she's always wanted.

Spoilers: She does decide to be his friend with benefits for a while. It takes catching his dad cheating (and finding out the girl she babysits is his half-sister) and his complete lack of caring about his dad breaking their family apart for her to leave him, which she does at about the 75% mark. She ends up with the cute guitarist, but their relationship is tainted by her having pursued her soul mate.

ETA: Hey, stranger! Been a while! Hope all is well with you. Smiley
« Last Edit: December 05, 2017, 03:30:01 PM by slightlysmall » Logged

MookyMcD
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« Reply #7 on: December 05, 2017, 10:24:03 PM »

 Hi

It has been too long--including countless fits and starts on a project I started when I was still CPing Damaged, if you can believe it. Seeing all your cute kid posts on Instagram and Cats' posts about her books and marrying Pirate has made me feel more in touch than I've kept. Plus there's that third CP, who I'm great about staying in touch with.

Are you coming this way over the holidays?
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I put the nati in Illuminati
michaeljmcdonagh.wordpress.com
slightlysmall
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« Reply #8 on: December 06, 2017, 11:35:06 AM »

Hi

It has been too long--including countless fits and starts on a project I started when I was still CPing Damaged, if you can believe it. Seeing all your cute kid posts on Instagram and Cats' posts about her books and marrying Pirate has made me feel more in touch than I've kept. Plus there's that third CP, who I'm great about staying in touch with.

Are you coming this way over the holidays?

I'll believe it. Four years wasn't that long ago... was it? /sigh. I feel that way, too, with Cats, although I've at least seen her a few times. Instagram has the habit of making people feel connected. And one out of three ain't bad?

I won't be... I want to come out next spring, though. Don't remember the dates offhand, but I'll let you know when I know if I'll be there.
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slightlysmall
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« Reply #9 on: December 06, 2017, 11:41:51 AM »

Is the key choice that she basically has to kill off the person she's invented through her songs and fallen in love with by seeing him as he really is or convince herself to stay in love with a fantasy she created?

The more I read this, the more I like it. How do I fit it into a tweet?  sad

17-year-old Blanca's BFF moved away in 7th grade, but she fell in love with every song she wrote about him. When he returns, she must see him as he really is, or convince herself the fantasy she created is worth the lie she'd live in loving it. #PitMad #YA #Con

(I actually have room to play here, too!)
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Munley
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« Reply #10 on: December 06, 2017, 02:42:47 PM »

Since you'll be posting the #YA, you may not need to mention Blanca's specific age.

I've been thinking of this story along the lines of that poem, "If wishes were horses, beggars would ride."

Applying that structure and spirit to your pitch, it would go something like --

If the Lucas in Blanca's love songs were . . .

or
If the Lucas who moved back to town were . . .

I have no idea where to go from there, or if this idea is useful at all. You've been given some good suggestions already, so my suggestion would be for an additional/alternative pitch.
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slightlysmall
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« Reply #11 on: December 06, 2017, 02:46:14 PM »

I like that idea for a third approach. I'll think on it and report back.
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