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Author Topic: Lungful of Dust- post-apocalyptic YA sci-fi  (Read 1920 times)

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« on: December 05, 2017, 06:57:33 AM »

I want to give #PitMad a try. Any thoughts and comments are highly apreciated!  Smiley

1) Lack of oxygen killed over a million inhabitants of Gerena's planet.  She is able to exhale oxygen, which comes in handy on such a polluted place. Alas, people with her abilities drop dead without a prior warning. #PitMad #SF #YA

2) Gerena stole the scientist from her father knowing he is the only one who can save the polluted planet. But, the scientist is senile. That might pose a problem. #PitMad #SF #YA

3) Polluted planet. Heroine on the run. Deadly fumes. Crazy scientist. Giant beetles. Heartthrob with a salamander tattoo. #PitMad #SF #YA
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« Reply #1 on: December 05, 2017, 03:28:42 PM »

I like the first one best. and I like the second one as well. I'm not so sure about the third. Unfortunately my ability to pitch sucks so I don't have many suggestions. The third just feels a bit too unconnected, without the throughline of conflict the first two have.

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"hilarious and offensive and usually accurate"

« Reply #2 on: December 05, 2017, 10:33:28 PM »

I like 1 the best, but would suggest using more powerful words. instead of a "lack" that "killed," maybe make them suffocate. Kill the passive voice in the second sentence (is able to), and I'll bet it matters more than coming in "handy on such a polluted place." It's probably a life or death thing in that deathtrap. "Alas" doesn't convey stakes for me, and "dropping dead," while not passive in a grammatical sense is a pretty passive phrase. If the breath of life or whatever is a death sentence, I'd urge you to say so.

Oh, and if you keep the "comes in handy" you should look at either changing "on" to "in" or "place" to "planet."

Hope that helps.

I put the nati in Illuminati
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