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Author Topic: MG Horror  (Read 534 times)
Munley
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Mr. Fluff -- from the SPCA


« Reply #15 on: May 17, 2018, 10:09:32 AM »

For me the asylum detail ups the stakes for the MC by decreasing the chances that she will be believed if she gets in big trouble and needs help. While the suspense about what the rumors are is lost, suspense about the effects of the asylum rumor creates its own reason to fear for the MC.
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Tigerlily1066
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« Reply #16 on: May 17, 2018, 11:03:26 AM »

For me the asylum detail ups the stakes for the MC by decreasing the chances that she will be believed if she gets in big trouble and needs help. While the suspense about what the rumors are is lost, suspense about the effects of the asylum rumor creates its own reason to fear for the MC.

I agree with Munley. It's much a much stronger query with the asylum detail involved because it raises the possibility that Ivy could be an unreliable narrator or at least perceived as one as the story unfolds. For the purposes of the query, it doesn't matter that the rumors aren't true. The query is about Act I, and the establishment of the rumors would be included in that part of the story.
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Pineapplejuice
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« Reply #17 on: May 17, 2018, 10:19:34 PM »

I love the subtlety of the unreliable narrator factor that comes across simply by stating she can't remember her past. It's punchier. If you spell it out for people it loses the fun of the unreliable narrator factor gives. Imho. It's all good, I don't mind if I'm outnumbered. I know specific details should raise the stakes etc but for me, for this query it does the opposite
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Munley
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Mr. Fluff -- from the SPCA


« Reply #18 on: May 18, 2018, 02:49:11 AM »

It is all good. There are so many different ways to experience what a piece of writing says, and it's often hard to decide, when writing a query, whether revealing some detail is going too far and possibly spoiling the suspense, or adding to the drama. We seem to agree, though, that this sounds like a good story we'd like to read.
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mgmystery
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« Reply #19 on: May 18, 2018, 07:24:40 AM »

Sounds like a good story we'd like to read makes my day!  Grin

My big worry with not being specific is the agent being disappointed the plot isn't what she imagined. It's been a problem for me in the past.
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Pineapplejuice
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« Reply #20 on: May 19, 2018, 12:40:56 AM »

Ahh ok. No I like specifics, but that detail, from what you said sounds like it's a lie anyway. But what I meant was it comes across as not a lie, it reads as a big reveal in the query, which is why I don't like it. Even though it isn't a big reveal, as she wasn't in an asylum, it reads as one. But I''m a huge fan of specifics, this one just didn't feel right for various reason. I do feel the query needs more specifics though. ( And also, since there aren't many other specifics this one stands out like a big reveal. ) to me.
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Denisa
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« Reply #21 on: June 16, 2018, 04:38:50 AM »

Oh, WOW! You have two strong queries here. I wanted to do a line by line, but there really isn't the need. I love both versions, but i lean toward the first one. It kept me on my toes, I loved the mystery. I know it's best to be more specific, but i think mystery works grate for you because it isn't confusing. Giving the details ruins that. Again, I think both versions are very strong. And the ending ... dear God! I love it!     
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mgmystery
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« Reply #22 on: June 18, 2018, 07:13:04 AM »

Thanks Denisa! I'm actually doing some pretty major revisions on this so I might have to rework this query again.
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