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Author Topic: The Elements Synopsis PLEASE READ -Thanks  (Read 513 times)
keitwill
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« on: August 12, 2018, 07:37:04 PM »

Keith Williams
   The Elements Synopsis:
In a city called Warren, in a time where horses were used as the best traveling source and farming was a common career choice, political drama was stirring. ACCIEAS, a young dark skinned man with dreadlocks in his twenties is tired of the abuse of power in politics and decides to run against the incumbent Governor LANCE HORN. Accieas’ best friend and fellow Senator, JUSTIN YALDO, is worried about him running against the dangerous Governor. Accieas ensembles a team to help him, including longtime friend and love interest KRISTEN. Lance Horn tries to kill Accieas but he overcomes all obstacles and becomes the Governor anyway. MICHAEL, Accieas’ brother, discovers a fish fossil that has an intact circular shaped black tissue. Accieas consumes this fish fossil tissue and it changes his Earth Elemental abilities into a dark magical power. This power is abnormal compared to other Elementalists who force either Earth, Water, Fire, or Air, depending on their birth month. 
   
       As Governor, Accieas faces the trouble of integrating the Water Elementalists from their troubled country called the Water Lands, into the Earth Dynasty. Accieas is also having difficulty dealing with the problems of the God’s Warriors and the opposition, Black Mask and their leader Silver Mask. Eventually, his first term is up, and his best friend Justin decides to run against him, with the backing of the Prophet and God’s Warriors. Accieas loses the Governorship to Justin Yaldo, he loses his girlfriend KALY, and his newly discovered half-sister SAIYA is arrested in Inferno Nation. Accieas travels with his love interest Kristen to the Inferno Nation with efforts to save Saiya. When they arrive, they meet up with Saiya’s boyfriend SHAWN, and he reveals that he is the true heir to the throne of Inferno Nation king. The new teenage king of Inferno Nation, orders his men to attack the disorganized government of Sky Republic. God’s disciples, two women who have the control of the only Air and Fire Dragon stop the new teenage king, by having him killed. Shawn becomes the King, and he makes Accieas his advisor. Kristen delivers the news that The Element God is going to be rising back to life, and they all go to attend the sighting. During the trip, Accieas flirts often with the Captain SARAH MORGAN. 
   
      A year later God rules over all nations, but some of his rules seem to be immoral, and his presents run the Black Mask group to Sky Republic. Accieas is traveling to different islands with Sarah, and finds his favorite author ROBLIEN on one of them. Roblien tells him that he does not believe in God, and explains why, convincing Accieas. King Shawn goes to meet with the Earth Dynasty Councilors about God, and he leaves Accieas in control of Inferno Nation. Accieas releases the children that God wanted punished for burning a bible, but the majority of the country disagrees with his actions. Accieas gathers all the non-believers, to escape to Sky Republic. In Sky Republic, Accieas aligns with the Black Mask group to stop God. God orders all of the world leaders to meet with him; Accieas crashes the meeting, and brings evidence to prove God is a fake. There is a war on Sky Republic, between God’s Warriors and Accieas with the Black Mask group. Accieas is losing the battle and Justin Yaldo hurts Sarah, so he takes Sarah and travels away to get help for her. King Shawn, and king of Arcqua of the Water Lands, decides to assist in the battle against God. Accieas goes to the island where Roblien is for help, but Roblien doesn’t know if he could save her or not. Kristen’s love interest KADE, who was a God’s Warrior, believes God is not real anymore and tries to kill him. The mysterious leader of the Black Mask, Silver Mask, beats God up, and tells God he knows who he is. God has the Fire Dragon under his control, and the Dragon sneakily attacks Silver Mask, who reveals himself as Roblien. The Earth Dragon attacks The Fire Dragon, and Kade kills God. 
« Last Edit: August 13, 2018, 05:50:03 PM by keitwill » Logged
newtothis22
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« Reply #1 on: September 25, 2018, 09:42:00 PM »

A few quick suggestions. It's assembles a team to help him not ensembles. Also only bold the names of the main characters. Honestly I couldn't read the whole thing. It got confusing and convoluted. Try narrowing it down to the main plot and characters of the story. 
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Catharina S
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« Reply #2 on: November 13, 2018, 09:31:08 AM »

It seems like your synopsis is assuming a level of familiarity with the elements/characters/systems of your story on the part of the reader that simply isn't there. When you begin the story you use familiar terms and scenarios (horses, farms, senators). The first couple of sentences had me believing the story was Earth-centric but it quickly became very disorienting when unfamiliar elements were introduced without any background.

You need to offer more explanation of who characters are and their motivations. God seems dropped in from the ether and I have no idea of his place in the story or even who he is, as with the Mask groups and God's Warriors. The mention of Sarah Morgan makes her seem like one of the main characters but then very little mention is made of her. I'm assuming the elemental abilities are something similar to what we see in Avatar but some brief explanation would be beneficial.

So, two suggestions: narrow your focus to the top few major players in the story, and flesh out the explanation of your political systems as they are relevant to the main thrust of the plot.
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kaperton
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« Reply #3 on: November 13, 2018, 01:01:02 PM »

Keith Williams
   The Elements Synopsis:
In a city called Warren, in a time where horses were used as the best traveling source and farming was a common career choice, political drama was stirring. ACCIEAS, a young dark skinned man with dreadlocks in his twenties is tired of the abuse of power in politics and decides to run against the incumbent Governor LANCE HORN. Accieas’ best friend and fellow Senator [what's a senator?], JUSTIN YALDO, is worried about him running against the dangerous Governor. Accieas ensembles assembles a team to help him, including longtime friend and love interest KRISTEN. Lance Horn tries to kill Accieas but he Accieas overcomes all obstacles and becomes the Governor anyway. MICHAEL, Accieas’ brother, discovers a fish fossil that has an intact circular shaped black tissue. Accieas consumes this fish fossil tissue and it changes his Earth Elemental abilities into a dark magical power. [Why do I care? Michael is never mentioned again] This power is abnormal compared to other Elementalists who force either Earth, Water, Fire, or Air, depending on their birth month. 
   
       As Governor, Accieas faces the trouble of integrating the Water Elementalists from their troubled country called the Water Lands, into the Earth Dynasty. Accieas is also having difficulty dealing with the problems of the God’s Warriors and the opposition, Black Mask and their leader Silver Mask [The leader of Black Mask is called Silver Mask??]. Eventually, his first term is up, and his best friend Justin decides to run against him, with the backing of the Prophet and God’s Warriors. Accieas loses the Governorship to Justin Yaldo, he loses his girlfriend KALY [what happened to Kristen?], and his newly discovered half-sister SAIYA is arrested in Inferno Nation. Accieas travels with his love interest Kristen to the Inferno Nation with efforts to save Saiya. When they arrive, they meet up with Saiya’s boyfriend SHAWN, and he reveals that he is the true heir to the throne of Inferno Nation king. The new teenage king of Inferno Nation, orders his men to attack the disorganized government of Sky Republic. God’s disciples, two women who have the control of the only Air and Fire Dragon stop the new teenage king, by having him killed. Shawn becomes the King, and he makes Accieas his advisor. Kristen delivers the news that The Element God is going to be rising back to life, and they all go to attend the sighting. During the trip, Accieas flirts often with the Captain SARAH MORGAN. [How about, "Accieas finds himself attracted to the brilliant Captain Sarah Morgan" or something along those lines?
   
      A year later God rules over all nations, but some of his rules seem to be immoral, and his presents run the Black Mask group to Sky Republic. Accieas is traveling to different islands with Sarah, and finds his favorite author ROBLIEN on one of them. Roblien tells him that he does not believe in God, and explains why, convincing Accieas. King Shawn goes to meet with the Earth Dynasty Councilors about God, and he leaves Accieas in control of Inferno Nation. Accieas releases the children that God wanted punished for burning a bible, but the majority of the country disagrees with his actions. Accieas gathers all the non-believers, to escape to Sky Republic. In Sky Republic, Accieas aligns with the Black Mask group to stop God. God orders all of the world leaders to meet with him; Accieas crashes the meeting, and brings evidence to prove God is a fake. There is a war on Sky Republic, between God’s Warriors and Accieas with the Black Mask group. Accieas is losing the battle and Justin Yaldo hurts Sarah, so he takes Sarah and travels away to get help for her. King Shawn, and king of Arcqua of the Water Lands, decides to assist in the battle against God. Accieas goes to the island where Roblien is for help, but Roblien doesn’t know if he could save her or not. Kristen’s love interest KADE, who was a God’s Warrior, believes God is not real anymore and tries to kill him. The mysterious leader of the Black Mask, Silver Mask, beats God up, and tells God he knows who he is. God has the Fire Dragon under his control, and the Dragon sneakily attacks Silver Mask, who reveals himself as Roblien. The Earth Dragon attacks The Fire Dragon, and Kade kills God. 


There are WAY too many characters listed. If they're important, I need to know why. As Catharina S said, we need to know their motivations. Otherwise I don't care who does what--Accieas could blow up the whole senate and I wouldn't care, because I don't know the first thing about him except that he was tired of the way things were and he seems to have a lot of female love interests. I don't know who I'm rooting for in this story. A synopsis is more than a play-by-play. Read Jane Friedman's How to Write a Novel Synopsis: https://www.janefriedman.com/how-to-write-a-novel-synopsis/

Also, there are too many characters whose names start with K. That's confusing...as if I weren't confused enough already.
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