Author Topic: Contemporary southern gothic fantasy  (Read 2298 times)

Offline SleepyMaggie

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Contemporary southern gothic fantasy
« on: September 03, 2018, 10:04:06 AM »
"I want to learn to play the bass guitar," said the ghost.

(Opening line of my work in progress... )

Offline TigerAsh

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Re: Contemporary southern gothic fantasy
« Reply #1 on: September 07, 2018, 03:53:59 PM »
"I want to learn to play the bass guitar," said the ghost.

(Opening line of my work in progress... )


I think it’s interesting that you opened the line with a ghost speaking. But if I’m being brutally honest, it doesn’t immediately grab my attention.
With that said, there’s nothing particularly wrong with the line, so other readers could feel differently.
Maybe context from another line or two would help?


Offline Miss Plum

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Re: Contemporary southern gothic fantasy
« Reply #2 on: November 06, 2018, 09:29:25 AM »
I'd keep reading.

Offline Falthor

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Re: Contemporary southern gothic fantasy
« Reply #3 on: November 23, 2018, 01:51:46 PM »
Based on the line itself i'm on the fence.   I'd probably read on a little and see what is going on because a ghost wanting to learn guitar is different, even though the line feels throwaway.
“The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.”

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Offline tallwriter

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Re: Contemporary southern gothic fantasy
« Reply #4 on: June 06, 2020, 12:00:58 PM »
I thought it was somewhat humorous, and I'd like to know what else the ghost says. What kind of music is the ghost interested in? Will it become a rock star? You probably don't mean this as comedy, although some southern gothic writers are very funny.

Offline rivergirl

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Re: Contemporary southern gothic fantasy
« Reply #5 on: June 09, 2020, 08:56:50 PM »
I like it!

Offline Pilfered

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Re: Contemporary southern gothic fantasy
« Reply #6 on: June 22, 2020, 05:55:52 PM »
I know this is a "first sentence" thread, but can you post more? Maybe a few sentences or first paragraph? It'll be easier to gauge whether it's working or not.

"I want to learn to play the bass guitar," Henry said. Sadly, he was dead, and there would be no such guitar playing to be had.