Author Topic: Is this sentence correct?  (Read 226 times)

Offline redraider14

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Is this sentence correct?
« on: June 21, 2019, 02:34:32 PM »
The storm sounded like Ma clearin’ her throat when I was loud at church; like a tractor engine that wouldn’t start; like a giant lonesome coyote lost from it’s pack.


Not sure if I need semicolons or commas. Can I go without the "and"?


Thanks in advance!

Offline jcwrites

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Re: Is this sentence correct?
« Reply #1 on: June 21, 2019, 03:42:44 PM »
The main for-sure thing you gotta fix is the contraction for 'it is' when what you really want is the possessive 'its'.

Offline redraider14

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Re: Is this sentence correct?
« Reply #2 on: June 21, 2019, 06:09:45 PM »
JC,
 
Thanks for catching that! Can't believe I missed it!

Offline Waterfall

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Re: Is this sentence correct?
« Reply #3 on: June 22, 2019, 11:27:22 AM »
I love punctuation as an element of voice. I had a writing teacher once who said that "semicolons are just ugly." I didn't believe him then or now, but I do temper myself.

Along with "correctness," I think of different punctuations as being like the different musical notations for length of rest. Each of these three versions asks us successively to wait a little longer before we get to the next measure...

The storm sounded like Ma clearin’ her throat when I was loud at church, like a tractor engine that wouldn’t start, like a giant lonesome coyote lost from its pack.

The storm sounded like Ma clearin’ her throat when I was loud at church... like a tractor engine that wouldn’t start... like a giant lonesome coyote lost from its pack.

The storm sounded like Ma clearin’ her throat when I was loud at church. Like a tractor engine that wouldn’t start. Like a giant lonesome coyote lost from its pack.


Having long been a devoted member of the Joan Didion School of Fragments as Sentences, I'm a little partial to the last one.

Offline redraider14

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Re: Is this sentence correct?
« Reply #4 on: June 23, 2019, 01:36:30 PM »
Waterfall, I love this! Like poetry. I am going with the last choice. It is my favorite too!