Author Topic: Lower MG Adventure  (Read 30 times)

Offline Newmooon

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Lower MG Adventure
« on: August 13, 2019, 08:29:47 AM »
It's been about 3 months since I started sending out queries and so far I've only gotten rejections so I thought I should try rewriting my first chapter. After writing my book I've done plenty editing but I never really changed much with my first chapter.

Chapter 1
       After a long-bone chilling winter, the town of Knossos had finally begun to thaw bringing the first signs of spring and young Henry Dresden was eager to go outside and enjoy the day. 
       "Mom!" Henry called out as he ran down the stairs of their small house following the smell of warm chicken soup as it wafted through the air.  "Can I go to the park?" He asked entering the kitchen. There he found his mom standing over a hot pot, vigorously stirring while adding ingredients. Mrs. Dresden had taken a few weeks off to spend with Henry and his older sister Sera, something that she hadn't been able to do as often as she like since their father had passed away a few years ago.
       "Just make sure that your back before dinner, " she said as she continued to stir. Just as Henry had opened the door his mother called him back. "Henry can you ask your sister if she wants to join you. She's been up in that old dusty library all winter break. I'm afraid that if she stays there any longer she might just turn into a book. " she chuckled. Closing the front door Henry made his way back up the stairs and to the dreaded third floor. The entire third floor was the library and Henry hated going up there. There were cobwebs and dust everywhere, it smelled of old books and on the very few occasions that he had been up there, he was sure that he had seen a ghost. His sister would tell him that he was just seeing things but Henry was sure that he saw it. Henry's sister Sera, on the other hand, loved going to their third-floor library. Whenever she had time she would go up there and stay for hours on end immersing herself in the hundreds of books they kept there, sometimes she would just sit there. For Sera, the library was like a safe haven. At the top of the stairs was a door that led to the library but when Henry tried to open the door it only opened partway. Confused Henry called out to his sister.
       "Sera, are you in there?" For a few minutes, all he heard was a shuffling sound when suddenly the door flew open.
       "Come in," Sera said. Inside the library was a mess. Some of the shelves were bare, the books instead occupied the chairs and tables and boxes were scattered across the floor. "Did you need something?" Sera asked as she continued to sort a pile of books.
       "Since the weather's nice out I was going to go to the park. Mom wanted me to ask you if you wanted to come along." Henry said as he walked around the library. Despite there still being a smell, the library was surprisingly free of dust and cobwebs. "Has this always been here?" Henry asked pointing to a painting on the wall. It was a portrait of an ancient looking man holding a leather-bound journal.
       "Mhm," Sera said not looking away from her books. "It was just so dusty and cluttered in here that we couldn't see it."
       "So you've been in here cleaning all this time? Mom thought that you might have turned into a book by now."
       "I'm actually surprised that I haven't." She laughed. "I've been up to her for so long that I've forgotten what it's like to be outside."
       "Does that mean that you'll come with me?" Henry asked hopefully, he loved spending time with his sister and took every opportunity to do so.
       Sera looked around her taking in the state of the room before looking out the window. Outside the sun was shining brightly, its rays of light setting the old brick and marble buildings aglow. Knossos was the perfect mix of old and new. A mix of ancient Greece during the iron  age with the modernity of today. "Sorry but I have to finish as much as I can. But you go ahead and have fun after all the school starts tomorrow." Sera said. When school reopened Henry would be starting his 3rd year and Sera, who was 2 years older than Henry who was 7, would be starting her 4th year. Henry nodded in understanding and turned to leave but stopped at the doorway.
       "You know you really are like dad." He said smiling.
       "Thanks." She said smiling as she watched him leave. Due to an accident a few years ago Sera had suffered from memory loss and as a result has no memory of her father. As upsetting as it was it helped knowing that she reminded her family of him. Their love of books is what kept them connected and was what prompted her to fix up the library. When he was alive he spent a lot of his time in the library. So it was a special place for her. Intent on finishing before dinner Sera began to place the books back onto the shelves.
      After a few hours, Sera had finished shelving the remaining books and Henry had returned from the park and joined Sera in the library.
       "Wow, it looks great!" Henry exclaimed taking a seat on the couch across from her.
       "Thanks, how was the park, was it warm out?"
       "It was a bit chilly, but you'll never guess what happened!" Henry said excitedly.
       "Tell me," Sera said putting her book down.
       "I'll tell you and mom what happened at dinner, so what book are you reading?" Sera frowned not wanting to wait till dinner to hear what happened, before picking up her book to show him.
       "This was our winter reading assignment. It's about the 12 houses, the 12 explorers that founded this land and named it Profiteria." She said smiling. Her favorite topic was history.
       "Sounds kinda boring," Henry said reaching for a book of ghost stories, finding it much more interesting.
       "Maybe… but did you know that one of those explorers is our ancestor."
       "Really? Henry said "Which one?"
       "His name was Sagittarius Dresden, from the 9th house. It's also known as house Sagittarius."
       "Cool, so does that mean we're royalty?" Henry asked standing on the couch and posing as a king would.
       "No silly." Sera said laughing "It doesn't work like that."
       "Then how does it work?" Henry asked climbing down.
       "I'm not sure… but there is a small plaque outside the house that says Sagittarius on it," she said. She wondered if there was any importance to being the descendant of one of the founders. Just as she was about to look in her book they heard their mom call them for dinner.
       "Did you hear that Lady Sera, dinner is ready," Henry said imitating the way a king would talk.
       "Yes Prince Henry, shall we go?" Sera asked mimicking him.
       "We shall." Sera and Henry made their way down to the kitchen where their mom was waiting for them.
       "I made your favorite soup." She said placing the soup into bowls.
       "Thanks, mom," Sera said taking a seat across from her. Sera's mouth began to water as she looked at the soup. She had to hold herself back from eating while she waited for her brother to sit. Once everyone was seated they began to eat.
       "So are you going to tell us what happened at the park?" she asked Henry eager to know what happened.
       "Oh yeah," Henry said taking a spoonful of soup. "There was this really old man that was yelling something about a hidden key. I think he called it kleidi." It was at that moment that their mom started to choke on her soup.
       "Mom are you alright?" they asked.
       "Yes I'm fine," she said taking a sip of water. "Did you say kleidi?"
       "Yeah, do you know what it is, is it real?" he asked eyes growing wide with wonder at the thought of a hidden key.
       "I'm not sure." She said continuing to eat.
       "Maybe it opens a pirate chest!" Henry exclaimed.
       "Pirates don't exist, Henry," Sera said getting up from the table.
       "Just because you haven't read it in a book doesn't mean it doesn't exist." Henry countered.
       "But if it was real then it would be in a book." She argued.
       "Alright you two, it's getting late and both of you have school tomorrow and I have work." Their mom said before their arguing escalated. Rarely Henry and Sera would argue about whether something actually existed such as monsters, pirates and lost treasures. Quietly they put their dishes in the sink and kissed their mom goodnight.
       "Good night mom," they called as they headed upstairs.
       After changing into her pajamas Sera lay in bed awake. No matter what she did she couldn't fall asleep. She had a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach, one that she had never felt before. Getting out of bed she made her way to Henry's room to see if he was having trouble falling asleep as well. Opening the door she poked her head in to see that Henry had already fallen asleep and was even beginning to snore.
       "Maybe moms up." She said to herself going back downstairs. Sure enough, the kitchen light was still on and their mom was at the table going through her papers.
       "Couldn't sleep?" she asked causing Sera to shake her head as she took a seat next to her.
       "First day jitters, it happens to everyone." She said getting a mug and making some hot chocolate.
       "But how come Henry doesn't get first day jitters?"
       "Sweetheart, everyone's different. I was just like you when I was little. I could never fall asleep the night before school." She said giving her the hot chocolate. "Here this will help."
       "Thanks, mom." She said giving her mom a hug before taking the mug upstairs. Sitting in bed Sera continued to read her book from before while drinking her warm chocolatey drink. The warm milk with its rich chocolate taste was soothing. Not long after finishing her drink her eyelids started to feel heavy and soon she drifted off into a deep sleep.
       Upon opening her eyes the first thing Sera noticed was that she was no longer in her room.  Instead, she found herself standing in the middle of what seemed like a white room.
       "Hello?" she called out hoping someone would answer. When she got no response she began to walk around looking for a way out. Suddenly a glowing black ball of light appeared. Walking towards it she saw that within the ball were little specks of light that looked almost like stars.
       "What is this thing?" she asked herself approaching the object.
       "Touch it." She heard someone say. It was almost like a whisper that seemed to come from the air itself. Sera turned around trying to find the owner of the voice but there was no one there.
       "Just touch it, it's alright." The voice said chuckling at her confusion.
       "But I don't even know what this is or what it does." She reasoned.
       "But if you don't touch it then you'll be stuck standing here all day, and don't you have school to go to?" the voice said. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath Sera counted to 3 before touching the ball of light causing a warmth to envelop her. When Sera opened her eyes she saw that she was no longer in the white room and was instead floating in space.
       "This isn't space." The voice said again. Turning around she saw something she had never seen before. It was a man but not all of him was human. He had the torso of a human but the body of a horse and his eyes had a sparkle to them that made it seem like he knew everything there is to know in the world. Past, present and future.
       "Who are you and where am I?" she asked mesmerized by the creature.
       "You are in a place called Diadromos, and I am Chiron the centaur," he said walking gracefully around Sera.
       "I've never seen a centaur before, and I definitely haven't seen one in my book. What do you want from me?" she asked.
       "I wanted to tell you that you will very soon face a difficult challenge. You will have to learn to trust your instincts as well as those around you for you will face many dangers along the way."
       "A challenge, what kind of challenge and why me?" Sera asked confused.
       "Aren't you Sera Dresden of house Sagittarius?" he asked in his deep, soothing voice. Sera nodded in response. "There are prophecies for each of the 12 houses. The prophecy for the 9th house, your house, says…" Chiron put his hand out causing a book to appear. "A girl of knowledge with eyes of green and hair of gold will hold the key that no one knows." He read before closing the book.
       "What does that mean?" She asked.
       "That is for you to decide my child. Our time is up for now but we'll see each other again. Be careful Sera."
       "Wait!" Sera called out. She watched as everything around her started to spin. The stars turned into streaks of light, whipping around her before going black.
       When Sera opened her eyes she was no longer in Diadromos, instead, she was back in her room with her brother Henry standing over her.
       "Sera, you're going to be late for school!" Henry shouted causing Sera to jump out of bed.
       "What! Why didn't you wake me up earlier?" she asked as she rushed to get ready.
       "I tried to but you wouldn't wake up, you must have been up late last night."
       "Yeah…" she said thinking about the strange dream she had. "It was just a bad dream." She thought to herself.
       "Mom left breakfast on the table and dinner is in the refrigerator. She said not to wait for her." Henry said walking downstairs. "I'm leaving, you're going to have to run if you want to be on time!" Henry yelled as he was leaving. Shaking the thoughts out of her head and taking a deep breath Sera grabbed her breakfast and ran out the door.