Author Topic: DEAR DOOM OREFUS  (Read 833 times)

Offline Pineapplejuice

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DEAR DOOM OREFUS
« on: September 08, 2019, 05:30:47 AM »
Dear Shmagent, ( Oh god I mean no offense by that; my fingers sneezed )

I am writing to you in this here email with my words that I'm typing in these here lines about myself seeking timely representation for my 30 word Magical Realism PB Novel, titled with a title that I chose because I was inspired by other books that have titles.

When aspiring author Ashleigh Picketts checks her email one snowy day, and gets yet another rejection on her 30 word Magical Realism picture Book Novel, things take a nasty turn for the worse and her life is flipped upside down.

What happens is the Form Letter sucks her into her email via a vortex created by a sense of pointlessness, and she's now a sentient AI Being trapped inside her Inbox. She feels the walls of her form letter, presses her hands on it's ceiling, trying to break it open and go return to her paper draft littered bedroom on the other side of her laptop, but all that happens is her screams echo of the walls off the form letter, hurting her little ears.

Ashleigh thinks if she can just shuffle through the letters of the form rejection, and decode it , she'll be able to find a nugget of honesty, specific to her Magical Realism Picture Book Novel. If she can dissolve the pointlessness by extracting a reason for hope, she might just be able to climb out of the computer and watch Survivor Timbuktu - The Washed Up Wannabe Writers. It's a special season devoted to writers from all over the world who can string sentences together but can't string query rope tight enough to win immunity against a state of complete worthlessness.   

Then finally, the letters speak to her. She's figured out an anachronism from the form. But it's not in the agents words, it's her own title in the form letter;

READ MORE DOOFUS

And just like Dorothy who always had the power to go home because she was wearing ruby slippers the whole time, Ashleigh realises with her mind and in her thoughts while she's thinking about it mullingly, that inside her heart (  which is really small now because she fits into the bits and bites of a form letter ) she always had the power all along because you don't need ruby slippers on , to kick letters around when your virtually trapped in an email.


@ 30 words, DEAR DOOM OREFUS is my first novel since the one I wrote on my first tablet.

Bi - Oh - Bi -Oh it's off to work you go, ( for me, get it? Let's make some moulah 

I've been writing since before I could write and reading since I was in the womb via a waterproof tablet with a flotation device my parents got me , which was surgically implanted into the Amniotic Fluid and engraved with my name lest the hospital staff stole the expensive technology upon my cesarean section.

Thanks for your time and consideration

Yours sincerely in your Inbox

( Name redacted )

@AshelighPickettsAndKicketts




« Last Edit: September 08, 2019, 06:07:05 AM by Pineapplejuice »

Offline Munley

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Re: DEAR DOOM OREFUS
« Reply #1 on: September 08, 2019, 03:13:19 PM »
Dear Name Redacted:

The story sounds really clever, but what intrigued me the most was the writing expertise that began from your time in the womb. I don't even need to see the manuscript. It's bound to be good. Let's talk contract terms on, shall we say, September 31st at 3:00?

Sincerely,
Agent

Offline Pineapplejuice

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Re: DEAR DOOM OREFUS
« Reply #2 on: September 08, 2019, 05:23:33 PM »
Dear Name Redacted:

The story sounds really clever, but what intrigued me the most was the writing expertise that began from your time in the womb. I don't even need to see the manuscript. It's bound to be good. Let's talk contract terms on, shall we say, September 31st at 3:00?

Sincerely,
Agent

OMYGOD THANKYOU SHMAGENT , I MEAN AGENT ( HAYFEVER ) !!!

This is the best news ever!

Yes, I do have quite a breadth of knowledge on what is publishable.

September 31st is fine. I'll set an alert on my phone. I wouldn't miss it for the world. Wow. I think I need a new phone. My calendar is broken. I'll just write it down.

- Ashleigh Picketts