Author Topic: YA Science Fiction: The City  (Read 356 times)

Offline mimimi

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YA Science Fiction: The City
« on: November 01, 2019, 01:20:00 PM »
This is my first time putting any of my writing online (since I started writing seriously, anyway) so I'm a bit scared, but here goes:

In a world where education is a privilege and not a right, a teenage medicine student is determined to uncover the truth behind a young patient who has no memory of how he arrived at the hospital.

Offline Mentha piperita

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Re: YA Science Fiction: The City
« Reply #1 on: November 05, 2019, 12:51:43 PM »
Don't be scared. Congrats on being here!

I think a little more specificity could be helpful. That's always a challenge in this length of pitch, though.

Your opening "In a world," doesn't tell me a lot about the setting, since, arguably, given soaring student debt, you're describing today's U.S. So, maybe something like "In the year 2040, only the wealthiest 1% can afford any education at all" (or whatever your story actually is). Then, in the second part, I'm not sure of the protagonist's connection to the first part (why is he/she one of the few to get that education?). Also, the mystery isn't specific enough for me. As someone who's worked the ER, this scenario describes a solid percentage of patients. So, I'm not clear on what the stakes are. I'd like a hint about where the plot is going to head after this initial set-up.

You have the format spot on, I think (setting, protagonist, hook), but they could all be a little more specific and tight.

That said, I'm terrible at writing pitches and you should probably do the exact opposite of what I recommend. I noticed you didn't have any replies, though. :)
« Last Edit: November 05, 2019, 03:07:32 PM by Mentha piperita »