Author Topic: Into Eternity (Upmarket Speculative Fiction)  (Read 61 times)

Offline ducklings444

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Into Eternity (Upmarket Speculative Fiction)
« on: December 01, 2019, 08:35:40 PM »
Dear (agent name),

When Eva runs into an old friend from college, it's something of a shock. Eva has just been fired from her dead-end job, but her former classmate now works at a company called Ouroboros. And this is no ordinary corporation; it enables the super-rich to upload their consciousness when they reach an advanced age, and live on forever in a virtual heaven. Eva doesn't know whether to be amazed--or envious.

Then her friend introduces Eva to a colleague, Sebastian. The sophisticated programmer makes her feel appreciated for the first time in her life. They begin dating, and their connection means that Eva, too, may eventually snag a spot in the virtual afterlife.

But as their relationship progresses, things slowly change for the worse. Sebastian's dominant side, which she once found so appealing, becomes dangerous. It turns out that underneath Sebastian's charming exterior is a cold and calculating stranger. When Eva learns what Sebastian has done to her old friend, she must make a choice between a relationship that is growing steadily more abusive, and a crumbling society in which she may no longer have a place. But who's to say if Sebastian will even let her leave.

INTO ETERNITY is an 80,000-word work of upmarket fiction with a speculative twist. I have published two works with Thought Catalog Books: a book of poems, X, and a novella, Y. (*****question - Should I not mention these because they only have like 4 reviews each? lol ****) I have interned at two literary agencies in New York.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Me

Offline knightmare560

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Re: Into Eternity (Upmarket Speculative Fiction)
« Reply #1 on: December 01, 2019, 09:18:43 PM »
Dear (agent name),

When Eva (How old is she?)runs into an old friend from college, it's something of a shock (Why is this a shock tho? Was this person dead?). Eva has just been fired from her dead-end job, but her former classmate now works at a company called Ouroboros. And this is no ordinary corporation; it enables the super-rich to upload their consciousness when they reach an advanced age (You mean old age?), and live on forever in a virtual heaven(So to the internet or to something else? cuz the internet can be a horror movie lol). Eva doesn't know whether to be amazed--or envious.

Then her friend (Give a name) introduces Eva to a colleague, Sebastian. The sophisticated programmer makes her feel appreciated for the first time in her life. They begin dating, and their connection means that Eva, too, may eventually snag a spot in the virtual afterlife (Then isn't that just using the guy as a ticket to cyber-heaven?).

But as their relationship progresses, things slowly change for the worse. Sebastian's dominant side, which she once found so appealing, becomes dangerous. It turns out that underneath Sebastian's charming exterior is a cold and calculating stranger. When Eva learns what Sebastian has done to her old friend, she must make a choice between a relationship that is growing steadily more abusive, and a crumbling society in which she may no longer have a place (Wait what's wrong with the society? Did she get fired for something other than being unqualified? What's the world like exactly?). But who's to say if Sebastian will even let her leave (I love this).

INTO ETERNITY is an 80,000-word work of upmarket fiction (What age group? Young adult, NA, Adult? You need this specified) with a speculative twist (how so?). I have published two works with Thought Catalog Books: a book of poems, X, and a novella, Y. (*****question - Should I not mention these because they only have like 4 reviews each? lol ****)(idk tbh. Did it sell well and was self-published?) I have interned at two literary agencies in New York.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Me


Okay, you're on the right path for sure, but there's a need for more detail as well as clarification. This comes off as a bit of a cyberpunk world feel (Think blade runner, ghost in the shell, matrix, Deus Ex, and the upcoming Cyberpunk 2077 video game). But I feel it needs some world building a bit. This is just how I feel from reading it. Like what year is it? Why is society rejecting her? You NEED her age too, and I've been told that by published authors and editors. What's her friend's name? But overall, I do like the sound of this story but you gotta make it grab the reader more. Get a one sentence hook too! But the best part is that title, like, wow I LOVE IT.

Hope this helps and I hope you can check out my own query and give me your thoughts: https://querytracker.net/forum/index.php?topic=24013.0
« Last Edit: December 01, 2019, 09:22:03 PM by knightmare560 »