Author Topic: G CORRIDOR (YA mystery, 46k) Synopsis  (Read 1400 times)

Offline liquidnonsense

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 17
  • Karma: 0
G CORRIDOR (YA mystery, 46k) Synopsis
« on: November 11, 2019, 07:14:05 PM »
Let me know what you think!

Celia is a lonely, eccentric high school freshman with dead parents and an overactive imagination. She finds a trapezoidal symbol carved into her locker that she initially ignores. She attempts to stay the night in an empty storage room, as she finds solace in mysterious or abandoned places and doesn’t like her home life.

Miraculously, she connects with a free-spirited senior named Tas. Celia’s outlook brightens after an eye-opening night of ranting, laughing, philosophy and upbeat music. Tas reveals that there is a secret corridor under the school that was sealed up in 1930 but is still maintained by a small group of students. Celia visits the corridor, which is accessed by an old dumbwaiter, and can hardly believe her fantasies have come true. She befriends a couple named Rod and Gabby who also frequent the corridor, and she begins sleeping there to indulge her escapism and avoid her awful living situation.

Celia goes home every night to a run-down house inhabited by a mute old woman referred to only as the Quiet Lady, the only distant relative left after the death of her parents. The Quiet Lady frightens Celia by speaking for the first time in years, a cryptic rant about Celia’s father that strengthens Celia’s resolve to escape this awful home life. She looks longingly at a newspaper clipping taped to her wall, which mentions her dad’s bioengineering work at Darkvantsen College, funded by a company called HazOBEO.

The more Celia sleeps in G Corridor, the stranger her hallucinations become, frequently featuring the trapezoidal symbol. She also stumbles across a multitude of clues, including her father’s signature on a wall, a shrine to her father’s suicide, and hidden rooms that seem to disappear the morning after. As she raises her suspicions to the group, the increasingly distant and skeptical Tas becomes worried about her mental health, and eventually confiscates her key “for her own good”. Combined with the sudden and unexplained disappearance of Rod and Gabby, Celia spirals into depression.

Convinced that Tas is hiding something, Celia smashes her way into the dumbwaiter, but this time it takes her down to a candlelit corridor where Tas and other cult members, revealed to be the remnants of HazOBEO, explain the truth: Her visions have been the result of psychological experiments performed on her in a sensory deprivation tank while she sleeps, as part of HazOBEO’s decades-long mission to achieve Enlightenment using the underground complex to lure in students. Rod and Gabby had been “taken” shortly before her. Celia’s father had been involved with the project until his suicide, stricken with guilt at having used Celia’s mother as a test subject who was rendered mute and barely conscious—the Quiet Lady, with whom Celia has been living all along. Celia is wrestled into a tank where the last thing she sees is the trapezoidal symbol on a screen.

She awakens the next day thinking the process failed, and intends to confront Tas in public, but finds that he’s never heard of G Corridor—nor have Rod and Gabby, who have just returned from a vacation. Celia is convinced that the entire experience never actually happened, until she notices the telltale electrode scabs on all of their temples—but just as it dawns on her, she catches sight of the trapezoidal symbol carved into her locker and is suddenly Enlightened, forgetting her grievances and shedding tears of joy.
« Last Edit: November 15, 2019, 09:02:35 PM by liquidnonsense »

Offline NicoleA

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 8
  • Karma: 2
Re: G CORRIDOR (YA mystery, 42k) Synopsis
« Reply #1 on: November 11, 2019, 09:00:46 PM »
Whoa! Compelling!!

Offline liquidnonsense

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 17
  • Karma: 0
Re: G CORRIDOR (YA mystery, 42k) Synopsis
« Reply #2 on: November 12, 2019, 05:54:15 PM »
Whoa! Compelling!!
Thank you! Is it a well-written synopsis, though?

Offline NicoleA

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 8
  • Karma: 2
Re: G CORRIDOR (YA mystery, 42k) Synopsis
« Reply #3 on: November 13, 2019, 09:47:49 PM »
I think so! It held me to the very end. Your beats are good.

It’s good to have a one pager, too, in case they ask. Basically reduce each paragraph to a sentence.

I found this to be extremely helpful as a guide: http://www.publishingcrawl.com/2012/04/17/how-to-write-a-1-page-synopsis/

I saw what people suggested for your query and agree. The newest version is better. Get out there and query!

Offline Marysia

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 38
  • Karma: 8
Re: G CORRIDOR (YA mystery, 46k) Synopsis
« Reply #4 on: November 21, 2019, 11:25:32 PM »
Disclaimer: I'm no expert, struggling as I do with my own synopsis.

Celia is a lonely, eccentric high school freshman with deadwould 'deceased' work better than 'dead'? 'Dead' sounds blunt, but maybe that's the effect you want and could be a good way to hint at Celia's personality. parents and an overactive imagination. She finds a trapezoidal symbol carved into her locker that she initially ignores. She attempts to stay the night in an empty storage room, as she finds solace in mysterious or abandoned places and doesn’t like her home life.maybe mention 'home life with her foster family/aunt/etc.' so we get a brief one-liner about where she's supposed to be living now that her parents are dead.

Miraculously, she connects with a free-spirited senior named Tas. Celia’s outlook brightens after an eye-opening night of ranting, laughing, philosophy and upbeat music. Tas reveals that there is a secret corridor under the school that was sealed up in 1930 but is still maintained by a small group of students. Celia visits the corridorand meets the rest of the group? see my later comments where I completely missed that she had met others besides Tas, Rod and Gabby (probably through my own inattentiveness) , which is accessed by an old dumbwaiter, and can hardly believe her fantasies have come true. She befriends a couple named Rod and Gabby who also frequent the corridor, and she begins sleeping there to indulge her escapism and avoid her awful living situation.Is it a foster home? I'd assume so, since both of her parents are dead? That's the only part of her story I'm not clear about--if both are dead, where does she usually live and do her guardians worry that she frequently sleeps the night in abandoned places?

Celia goes home every night to a run-down house inhabited by a mute old woman referred to only as the Quiet Lady, the only distant relative left after the death of her parents. The Quiet Lady frightens Celia by speaking for the first time in years, a cryptic rant about Celia’s father that strengthens Celia’s resolve to escape this awful home lifenever mind I think my question was answered :). She looks longingly at a newspaper clipping taped to her wall, which mentions her dad’s bioengineering work at Darkvantsen College, funded by a company called HazOBEO.

The more Celia sleeps in G Corridor, the stranger her hallucinations become, frequently featuring the trapezoidal symbol. She also stumbles across a multitude of clues, including her father’s signature on a wall, a shrine to her father’s suicide, and hidden rooms that seem to disappear the morning after. As she raises her suspicions to the groupwhich group was this? I didn't realize there were more friends besides Tas and the couple, and I didn't realize the four of them had formed a group, the increasingly distant and skeptical Tas becomes worried about her mental health, and eventually confiscates her key “for her own good”.I'm pretty sure the punctuation mark goes inside the quotation marks here--double-check just in case Combined with the sudden and unexplained disappearance of Rod and Gabby, Celia spirals into depression.

Convinced that Tas is hiding something, Celia smashes her way into the dumbwaiter, but this time it takes her down to a candlelit corridor where Tas and other cult membershad she met them before? If so, that wasn't clear earlier--I thought it was just Tas, Rod and Gabby, revealed to be the remnants of HazOBEO, explain the truth: Her visions have been the result of psychological experiments performed on her in a sensory deprivation tank while she sleeps, as part of HazOBEO’s decades-long mission to achieve Enlightenment using the underground complex to lure in students. Rod and Gabby had been “taken” shortly before her. Celia’s father had been involved with the project until his suicide, stricken with guilt at having used Celia’s mother as a test subject comma herewho was rendered mute and barely conscious—the Quiet Lady, with whom Celia has been living all along. Celia is wrestled into a tank another comma herewhere the last thing she sees is the trapezoidal symbol on a screen.

She awakens the next day thinking the process failed, and intends to confront Tas in public, but finds that he’s never heard of G Corridor—nor have Rod and Gabby, who have just returned from a vacation. Celia is convinced that the entire experience never actually happened, until she notices the telltale electrode scabs on all of their temples—but just as it dawns on her, she catches sight of the trapezoidal symbol carved into her locker and is suddenly Enlightened I kind of really want to know what Enlightenment feels like, and I assume you have it in the book, but I'm not sure if there's space here to describe it so maybe you're good  :up:, forgetting her grievances and shedding tears of joy.

This sounds extremely interesting! I love the secret experiment idea and the Enlightenment resolution. This plot sounds like a fresh take on YA mystery, with a happy ending rather than an ominous one.  :)

Offline Doris

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 47
  • Karma: 6
  • Love My Cats
Re: G CORRIDOR (YA mystery, 46k) Synopsis
« Reply #5 on: November 22, 2019, 04:13:20 PM »
My added thoughts in green. Doris
Celia is a lonely, eccentric high school freshman with deadwould 'deceased' work better than 'dead'? 'Dead' sounds blunt, but maybe that's the effect you want and could be a good way to hint at Celia's personality. parents and an overactive imagination. She finds a trapezoidal symbol carved into her locker that she initially ignores. She attempts to stay the night in an empty storage room, as she finds solace in mysterious or abandoned places and doesn’t like her home life.maybe mention 'home life with her foster family/aunt/etc.' so we get a brief one-liner about where she's supposed to be living now that her parents are dead. What about where she is living now? Why would no one care where she is for the night? I think you need to address this issue right away. Move the info about her homelife closer to the beginning.

Miraculously, she connects with a free-spirited senior named Tas. Celia’s outlook brightens after an eye-opening night of ranting, laughing, philosophy and upbeat music. Is Tas also hiding in the storage room, and why?Tas reveals that there is a secret corridor under the school that was sealed up in 1930 but is still maintained by a small group of students. Celia visits the corridorand meets the rest of the group? see my later comments where I completely missed that she had met others besides Tas, Rod and Gabby (probably through my own inattentiveness) , which is accessed by an old dumbwaiter, and can hardly believe her fantasies have come true. She befriends a couple named Rod and Gabby who also frequent the corridor, and she begins sleeping there to indulge her escapism and avoid her awful living situation.Again, no one misses her at her home? Give us home info earlier so it is clear.Is it a foster home? I'd assume so, since both of her parents are dead? That's the only part of her story I'm not clear about--if both are dead, where does she usually live and do her guardians worry that she frequently sleeps the night in abandoned places?

Explain this info earlierCelia goes home every night to a run-down house inhabited by a mute old woman referred to only as the Quiet Lady, the only distant relative left after the death of her parents. The Quiet Lady frightens Celia by speaking for the first time in years, a cryptic rant about Celia’s father that strengthens Celia’s resolve to escape this awful home lifenever mind I think my question was answered :). She looks longingly at a newspaper clipping taped to her wall, which mentions her dad’s bioengineering work at Darkvantsen College, funded by a company called HazOBEO.

The more Celia sleeps in G Corridor, the stranger her hallucinations become, frequently featuring the trapezoidal symbol. She also stumbles across a multitude of clues, including her father’s signature on a wall, a shrine to her father’s suicide, and hidden rooms that seem to disappear the morning after. As she raises her suspicions to the groupIs everyone in the group students?which group was this? I didn't realize there were more friends besides Tas and the couple, and I didn't realize the four of them had formed a group, the increasingly distant and skeptical Tas becomes worried about her mental health, and eventually confiscates her key “for her own good”.I'm pretty sure the punctuation mark goes inside the quotation marks here--double-check just in case Combined with the sudden and unexplained disappearance of Rod and Gabby, Celia spirals into depression.

Convinced that Tas is hiding something, Celia smashes her way into the dumbwaiter, but this time it takes her down to a candlelit corridor where Tas and other cult membershad she met them before? If so, that wasn't clear earlier--I thought it was just Tas, Rod and Gabby, revealed to be the remnants of HazOBEO, explain the truth: Her visions have been the result of psychological experiments performed on her in a sensory deprivation tank while she sleeps, as part of HazOBEO’s decades-long mission to achieve Enlightenment using the underground complex to lure in students. Rod and Gabby had been “taken” shortly before her. Celia’s father had been involved with the project until his suicide, stricken with guilt at having used Celia’s mother as a test subject comma herewho was rendered mute and barely conscious—the Quiet Lady, with whom Celia has been living all along. Why doesn't Celia recognize her own mother?Celia is wrestled into a tank another comma herewhere the last thing she sees is the trapezoidal symbol on a screen.

She awakens the next day thinking the process failed, and intends to confront Tas in public, but finds that he’s never heard of G Corridor—nor have Rod and Gabby, who have just returned from a vacation. Celia is convinced that the entire experience never actually happened, until she notices the telltale electrode scabs on all of their temples—but just as it dawns on her, she catches sight of the trapezoidal symbol carved into her locker and is suddenly Enlightened Yes, what does it mean to be enlightened? Is she now happy?I kind of really want to know what Enlightenment feels like, and I assume you have it in the book, but I'm not sure if there's space here to describe it so maybe you're good  :up:, forgetting her grievances and shedding tears of joy.

Very interesting story, I like it! Doris
Think about increasing the word count, seems a bit low.

« Last Edit: November 22, 2019, 04:23:38 PM by Doris »