Author Topic: Adult Mystery - The Dead End  (Read 38 times)

Offline nnewbie2

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 3
  • Karma: 1
Adult Mystery - The Dead End
« on: January 14, 2020, 08:28:36 AM »
A few hours before a deadly hurricane is forecast to hit Texas, single mother and chronic procrastinator, Ria scrambles at the last minute to stock up on nonperishable food items.

She gets a call from her married friend, Seema inviting her to ride out the storm at her place.

The last thing Ria wants is another encounter with Seema’s sleazy husband, Vipul. But when Ria’s apartment is listed under mandatory evacuation, she has no choice but to accept her offer.

Ria and her son go to Seema’s house which is three times the size of their dingy studio apartment. Ria avoids Vipul who had in the past harassed Ria with lewd text messages. Being conflict averse, Ria never told Seema or confronted Vipul and she regrets this.

Seema has another couple taking refuge at her place – Her charming brother-in-law and his demure wife.

While waters rise treacherously outside, Seema’s brother-in-law suggests driving to a hotel in a safer area, but Vipul flat out refuses to leave. He arrogantly claims that the steep incline of the driveway ensures that theirs will be the only house that won’t get flooded.

An interloper, Ria can only sense the hazy outlines of the family dynamics, but she is filled with unease. Seema is jumpy whenever Vipul is near their daughter. Seema’s brother-in-law and sister-in-law appear to be a picture-perfect happy couple, but Ria does not know what to make of the small round bruise on the sister-in-law’s waist.

When everyone turns in for the night, Vipul sneaks into Ria’s room and makes a pass at her. Determined to stand up for herself this time, Ria ends up slapping him. Seema walks in and instead of believing her, she accuses Ria of sabotaging her marriage.

Utterly humiliated, Ria wants to leave the house, but the streets outside are flooded making driving risky. For her son’s sake, she has no option but to wait till the morning when the waters recede.

In the middle of the night, Ria discovers Vipul in the study with a deep gash in his throat. The windows are open, and his gold chain is missing suggesting burglary, but his laptop is not taken and there are no struggle wounds on his hands.

Police are busy rescuing folks trapped in the floods. Networks are jammed, and everyone is stuck in the house for the night. The family closes rank against Ria, Seema in particular is antagonistic towards her. When a blood covered knife Ria had used previously to make salad is found in the trash, Ria realizes she has gone from main witness to prime suspect. She has till daybreak to find the real murderer.

Ria has two options- Fight or flight. Ria is inherently passive, so flight is her best option. Vipul’s brother’s SUV is parked behind her car blocking her way out, so she steals the keys. When she discovers an old photograph of Seema and Vipul’s brother, she suspects them of having an affair. She thinks of warning the brother’s wife that she might also be in danger but reconsiders it.

When Ria goes to the bathroom adjoining the study, she spots a stain of a blood on the knob of the door which opens into the study. She realizes that the killer had not escaped through the open window, but instead waited in the bathroom. Ria is relieved that in the DNA from the blood lies the keys to her freedom, if only she can survive the night.

The squall worsens and water gushes into the house. Everyone races to the second floor. Vipul’s brother tries to find access to the roof from the attic. He warns the others that if the water levels keep rising inside the house, the police won’t find just one body in the morning.

Ria’s stomach sinks as she realizes that if the bathroom is flooded, the evidence of her innocence will be wiped out. She hopes that Vipul’s last minutes on earth will have a clue to his death. Ria wades through knee deep water in the study. She tries to log into his laptop but cannot guess the password. She thinks about his arrogance, his over confidence and figures out the password is set to welcome. She finds a lab document and realizes who is the killer.
Vipul had contacted a laboratory service for DNA matching. He suspected his daughter wasn’t his.

There is a showdown in which Ria confronts Seema with the truth. Ria also assumes that Vipul’s younger brother is the father.

But Vipul’s younger brother is innocent. Seema had an affair with her colleague. Her sister-in-law points a gun at Ria. She helped her to eliminate Vipul. The bruise Ria had observed was an IVF mark. They needed money for treatments and Seema promised a payoff.

Seema and her sister-in-law offer Ria a way out – All she must do is lie and say a burglar got Vipul.

Ria knows it’s the easy way out, but she wants to do the right thing and be honest for the sake of her son. She refuses and ends up getting dead.

In the epilogue, we see that Vipul’s brother has adopted both Vipul’s daughter and Ria’s son.






Offline tb.tallbird

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1072
  • Karma: 143
  • I live in a fairy tale world!
Re: Adult Mystery - The Dead End
« Reply #1 on: Yesterday at 05:11:57 AM »
A few hours before a deadly hurricane is forecast to hit Texas, single mother and chronic procrastinator, Ria scrambles at the last minute to stock up on nonperishable food items.

She gets a call from her married friend, Seema inviting her to ride out the storm at her place.

The last thing Ria wants is another encounter with Seema’s sleazy husband, Vipul. But when Ria’s apartment is listed under mandatory evacuation, she has no choice but to accept her offer.

Ria and her son go to Seema’s house which is three times the size of their dingy studio apartment. Ria avoids Vipul who had in the past harassed Ria with lewd text messages. Being conflict averse, Ria never told Seema or confronted Vipul and she regrets this.

Seema has another couple taking refuge at her place – Her charming brother-in-law and his demure wife.

While waters rise treacherously outside, Seema’s brother-in-law suggests driving to a hotel in a safer area, but Vipul flat out refuses to leave. He arrogantly claims that the steep incline of the driveway ensures that theirs will be the only house that won’t get flooded.

An interloper, Ria can only sense the hazy outlines of the family dynamics, but she is filled with unease. Seema is jumpy whenever Vipul is near their daughter. Seema’s brother-in-law and sister-in-law appear to be a picture-perfect happy couple, but Ria does not know what to make of the small round bruise on the sister-in-law’s waist.

When everyone turns in for the night, Vipul sneaks into Ria’s room and makes a pass at her. Determined to stand up for herself this time, Ria ends up slapping him. Seema walks in and instead of believing her, she accuses Ria of sabotaging her marriage.

Utterly humiliated, Ria wants to leave the house, but the streets outside are flooded making driving risky. For her son’s sake, she has no option but to wait till the morning when the waters recede.

In the middle of the night, Ria discovers Vipul in the study with a deep gash in his throat. The windows are open, and his gold chain is missing suggesting burglary, but his laptop is not taken and there are no struggle wounds on his hands.

Police are busy rescuing folks trapped in the floods. Networks are jammed, and everyone is stuck in the house for the night. The family closes rank against Ria, Seema in particular is antagonistic towards her. When a blood covered knife Ria had used previously to make salad is found in the trash, Ria realizes she has gone from main witness to prime suspect. She has till daybreak to find the real murderer.

Ria has two options- Fight or flight. Ria is inherently passive, so flight is her best option. Vipul’s brother’s SUV is parked behind her car blocking her way out, so she steals the keys. When she discovers an old photograph of Seema and Vipul’s brother, she suspects them of having an affair. She thinks of warning the brother’s wife that she might also be in danger but reconsiders it.

When Ria goes to the bathroom adjoining the study, she spots a stain of a blood on the knob of the door which opens into the study. She realizes that the killer had not escaped through the open window, but instead waited in the bathroom. Ria is relieved that in the DNA from the blood lies the keys to her freedom, if only she can survive the night.

The squall worsens and water gushes into the house. Everyone races to the second floor. Vipul’s brother tries to find access to the roof from the attic. He warns the others that if the water levels keep rising inside the house, the police won’t find just one body in the morning.

Ria’s stomach sinks as she realizes that if the bathroom is flooded, the evidence of her innocence will be wiped out. She hopes that Vipul’s last minutes on earth will have a clue to his death. Ria wades through knee deep water in the study. She tries to log into his laptop but cannot guess the password. She thinks about his arrogance, his over confidence and figures out the password is set to welcome. She finds a lab document and realizes who is the killer.
Vipul had contacted a laboratory service for DNA matching. He suspected his daughter wasn’t his.

There is a showdown in which Ria confronts Seema with the truth. Ria also assumes that Vipul’s younger brother is the father.

But Vipul’s younger brother is innocent. Seema had an affair with her colleague. Her sister-in-law points a gun at Ria. She helped her to eliminate Vipul. The bruise Ria had observed was an IVF mark. They needed money for treatments and Seema promised a payoff.

Seema and her sister-in-law offer Ria a way out – All she must do is lie and say a burglar got Vipul.

Ria knows it’s the easy way out, but she wants to do the right thing and be honest for the sake of her son. She refuses and ends up getting dead.

In the epilogue, we see that Vipul’s brother has adopted both Vipul’s daughter and Ria’s son.







The blue might read better if it reads, "ends up being killed."

Another thing, I would give the brother in law and his wife a name. It was difficult to separate Vipul and Vipul's brother.

For technical, I think with a synopsis that names need to be all caps.

Others might have more to add, but I hope this helps. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I especially was intrigued with the time frame the MC has to prove her innocence. It created a sense of urgency.
Life is like a book. Some chapters are sad, some happy, some exciting. But if you never turn the page... you will never know what the next chapter holds.

Offline nnewbie2

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 3
  • Karma: 1
Re: Adult Mystery - The Dead End
« Reply #2 on: Yesterday at 06:19:10 PM »
Thank you so much for providing your feedback! I was on the fence about naming characters, but I agree it might be harder to track the story otherwise.

If you have something you'd like me to look at, let me know.