Author Topic: (the book's title) All My Friends Were Me  (Read 521 times)

Offline Jim Williams

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(the book's title) All My Friends Were Me
« on: February 21, 2020, 06:00:15 AM »
"For me, surviving trauma means a forever sense of elation. I continue to experience joy behind surviving a coma 20 years ago. At the time, my mind reveled in awe at such inspired revelations as “the universe exists” and “I am”." (from a letter to a friend)


After the assault, I went from living in my own hand-built dwellings to moving into a hotel. Two years later, I brought in an old street friend of mine to meet my new primary care physician. But the good doctor only asked if I was being serious. She pointed out—as she wrote a prescription for an antipsychotic drug---only the doctor and I where there; my friend didn't exist. I took her medication in defiance just to prove to her my friend was real.

After about a month, all my friends were gone.
« Last Edit: February 23, 2020, 09:10:47 AM by Jim Williams »

Offline ryan1

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Re: the book's title All My Friends Were Me
« Reply #1 on: February 21, 2020, 07:53:02 AM »
Personally, I'd drop the first paragraph.  I feel it weakens the impact of the second going into the third.  But if you start with the second, then it is a stronger hook.

Drop the question mark in the "But the good doctor only asked..." sentence.  It isn't a question, but a statement. 

Finally, the sentence, "The assault propelled..."  It reads a bit awkwardly.  Maybe something like, "After the assault, I went from living in my own hand-built dwellings to moving into a hotel."

Offline Jim Williams

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Re: (the book's title) All My Friends Were Me
« Reply #2 on: February 21, 2020, 09:18:07 AM »
I hope you don't mind my using your line. Thank you very much

Offline MichelleG

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Re: (the book's title) All My Friends Were Me
« Reply #3 on: February 21, 2020, 10:09:01 AM »
I’m sure it’s important in your story, but I think you should drop the first line and start with -


I brought in an old street friend of mine to meet my new primary care physician. But the good doctor only asked if I was being serious. She pointed out—as she wrote a prescription for an antipsychotic drug—only the two of us were there; my friend didn’t exist. I took her medication in defiance just to prove to her my friend was real.

Could you switch the wording around -

As she wrote a prescription for an antipsychotic, she pointed out ...

Not crazy about the ; ,  maybe something like this could work -

only the two of us were there. She insisted my friend didn’t exist.

Loosing his friends, this story sounds so sad.
"You look at these scattered houses, and you are impressed by their beauty. I look at them, and the only thought which comes to me is a feeling of isolation and the impunity with which crime may be committed there." - Sherlock Homes, The Copper Beeches - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Offline Jim Williams

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Re: (the book's title) All My Friends Were Me
« Reply #4 on: February 21, 2020, 10:31:16 AM »
Michell:

I've never thought of your version. Does it change your views to know the drug was to prevent me from hearing voices and I'm relating what actually happened to me? It's a memoir.

Jim
« Last Edit: February 21, 2020, 03:09:28 PM by Jim Williams »

Offline MichelleG

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Re: (the book's title) All My Friends Were Me
« Reply #5 on: February 21, 2020, 11:18:49 AM »
I read your posting and cried. It brought back memories. I had a client in the same situation (I know every story is different). The woman I met before medication was vibrant and funny - she said something in court that was clearly an inside joke based on the interview in my office that was so wonderfully sarcastic I almost peed my pants, literally had to take a moment to regain my composure. The woman after medication was withdrawn and barely spoke above a whisper. The medication made her physically ill.  Then she told me she was lonely.  When she left I shut my office door and cried. I know from the point of view of the outside world she needed medication, but it was such a disservice to her, it was cruel. Overtime it all leveled out, but initially ...

I was both wishing your story was a memoir so the reader could get the true feel only someone who lived it could and wishing it was pure fiction.

I hope you are doing better and are comfortable with who you are now.
"You look at these scattered houses, and you are impressed by their beauty. I look at them, and the only thought which comes to me is a feeling of isolation and the impunity with which crime may be committed there." - Sherlock Homes, The Copper Beeches - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Offline Jim Williams

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Re: (the book's title) All My Friends Were Me
« Reply #6 on: February 21, 2020, 03:23:46 PM »
I put the first paragraph back in so no one has to wonder what it was.

Offline Jim Williams

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Re: (the book's title) All My Friends Were Me
« Reply #7 on: February 21, 2020, 05:44:57 PM »

I was both wishing your story was a memoir so the reader could get the true feel only someone who lived it could and wishing it was pure fiction.

I hope you are doing better and are comfortable with who you are now.
My memoir is all just a collection of my eyewitness reporting from memory. I now have a comfortable life. I also get to know I don't have to live like that ever again.

Thank you for the story. It makes me feel good knowing I stir up (hopefully good) memories.
« Last Edit: February 22, 2020, 09:57:02 AM by Jim Williams »

Offline Jim Williams

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Re: the book's title All My Friends Were Me
« Reply #8 on: February 23, 2020, 03:57:37 AM »
Personally, I'd drop the first paragraph.  I feel it weakens the impact of the second going into the third.  But if you start with the second, then it is a stronger hook.

Drop the question mark in the "But the good doctor only asked..." sentence.  It isn't a question, but a statement. 

Finally, the sentence, "The assault propelled..."  It reads a bit awkwardly.  Maybe something like, "After the assault, I went from living in my own hand-built dwellings to moving into a hotel."
Ryan1, I want to apologize to you and the forum. My whole post is from an email I sent a friend who already knew about my history of hearing voices. The first paragraph is just part of the letter. The rest is the part I'm asking for an opinion. Sorry for the confusion.
« Last Edit: February 23, 2020, 04:06:01 AM by Jim Williams »

Offline Jim Williams

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Re: (the book's title) All My Friends Were Me
« Reply #9 on: February 23, 2020, 05:52:58 AM »
After the assault, I went from living in my own hand-built dwellings to moving into a hotel. Two years later, I brought in an old street friend of mine to meet my new primary care physician. But the good doctor only asked if I was being serious. She pointed out—as she wrote a prescription for an antipsychotic drug---only the doctor and I where there; my friend didn't exist. I took her medication in defiance just to prove to her my friend really existed.

After about a month, all my friends were gone.
« Last Edit: February 23, 2020, 08:16:46 PM by Jim Williams »

Offline Jim Williams

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Re: (the book's title) All My Friends Were Me
« Reply #10 on: March 01, 2020, 05:40:41 AM »
To MichelleG: - Medication has changed. I hope your friend is happier than she was.

For clarity: - "She pointed out—-as she wrote me an antipsychotic prescription—-that only the two of us were in her office; my friend didn’t exist. I took her medication in defiance, just to prove my friend was real."

(The doctor wasn't judging me on bringing a street person into her office. She saw I was hallucinating.

Offline ryan1

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Re: (the book's title) All My Friends Were Me
« Reply #11 on: March 01, 2020, 05:45:01 AM »
I think it was clear she was seeing you were hallucinating. I don't think you need to tell the reader by explaining. It was already implied well enough.

Offline Jim Williams

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Re: (the book's title) All My Friends Were Me
« Reply #12 on: March 01, 2020, 05:53:40 AM »
I think it was clear she was seeing you were hallucinating. I don't think you need to tell the reader by explaining. It was already implied well enough.
I was thinking of MichelleG's post (#3). I figure if I'm going to announce my state of mind, at least I should be clear about it. But, you're right. This is quite enough posting about it.

Offline MichelleG

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Re: (the book's title) All My Friends Were Me
« Reply #13 on: March 01, 2020, 07:17:54 AM »
Oh you don’t have to change it for me.  I was aware his friend was ‘personal’ to him.
"You look at these scattered houses, and you are impressed by their beauty. I look at them, and the only thought which comes to me is a feeling of isolation and the impunity with which crime may be committed there." - Sherlock Homes, The Copper Beeches - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Offline Jim Williams

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Re: (the book's title) All My Friends Were Me
« Reply #14 on: March 01, 2020, 08:49:56 AM »
I don't know how I thought it was other than a hallucination but since I did, I wanted to be clear. Thanks.