Author Topic: Pitch meeting: Magic from a Dark World Reboot  (Read 66 times)

Offline DrCCat

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Pitch meeting: Magic from a Dark World Reboot
« on: March 29, 2021, 12:04:22 PM »
Here is goes, please let me know what you think:
Before the ascension of the Iron Domain of Alagagan and fall of 1,000-year reign of the Gamsbin Empire existed a man, foretold of an ancient prophesy, who could reshape reality with the higher mysteries of magic. Or will he? Alas, all doesn’t go according to plan when a figure emerges from the shadows with plans of her own.

This isn’t your generic fantasy: “Magic from a Dark World”, book one of three, is set in a world of fantasy, magic, and high adventure.
Aut inveniam viam aut faciam - attributed to General Hannibal

Offline Odd John

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Re: Pitch meeting: Magic from a Dark World Reboot
« Reply #1 on: March 29, 2021, 02:14:16 PM »
Hi DrCCat,

As this is your Elevator Pitch, being of the required brevity, I will jump right in with what stands out negatively most, nip it in the bud and all that.

"Man" is just far too vague. Why not Deliverer or Messiah or some neologism of your own. Introducing his putative nemesis is good, but you've not made it truly clear that she is so. "... Emerges from the shadows with plans of her own" is also too vague. Story/drama/action is conflict. State the conflict. (But not the resolution.)

The conflict you've introduced here is "plans versus plans". This is not enough to seduce the interest of the Agent.  You must present "actions versus actions". Reveal something of their conflict/struggle, if not the main thing.

I'd also like to see a special word for "reshape reality with the higher mysteries of magic". (The phrase can be usefully left in.) But some word LIKE: Mageshifting. Whether he shifts matter or time, or both is open to your narrative/plot.

Keeping with what you already have, something LIKE *:

"Before the fall of the one-thousand year reign of the Gamsbin Empire and the ascension of the Iron Domain, a man, a Deliverer foretold of ancient prophesy, appeared to change the world. The higher mystery of magic, mageshifting, was his power, the reshaping of reality. But from the shadows a figure arises with powers of her own, a match for his, and all does not go to plan. The world will never be the same."

I'd leave out "This isn't your generic fantasy, & etc.", as the Agent will decide for herself if this is so. And "set in a world of fantasy, magic, and high adventure" is necessarily a given by the genre, not to mention made obvious by your pitch. However, do keep in that it is not a stand-alone but a trilogy.


* Couldn't resist.

« Last Edit: March 29, 2021, 02:30:38 PM by Odd John »
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Offline DrCCat

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Re: Pitch meeting: Magic from a Dark World Reboot
« Reply #2 on: March 30, 2021, 11:38:28 AM »
thank you so much! I love it. I threw the idea around and got back "it doesnt sound like it would stand the test of time".
Aut inveniam viam aut faciam - attributed to General Hannibal