Dear Sirs,
I am sorry I don't have time to cater each email to each agent as I'm prioritizing writing time but I appreciate the time your taking to read my submission The Clockmaker's Son, an epic tale about life, love, loss. It is a tale about courage, wisdom, and mirth. It is a eulogy to the modern man and a condemnation of the modern movements which aim to dethrone him. It clocks—excuse the pun—in at around 300k words. An editor suggested the modern market might not publish such a length and advised I abridge it. My answer? Well, they wouldn't have said that to Dostoyevsky, Tolstoy, Dumas, or Hugo, would they? Who is to say that a work of art is too long? Gatekeepers, be warned: the tides of time will recognise art, not the pulpy airport reads that most agents churn out every year.
A friend compared my style to Joyce. Other friends have said 'Compelling' and 'Intriguing premise' and 'realistic.' There are also, if I dare be so immodest, traces of Kafka, and Faulkner at his best. Yuval Noah Harrari, in his Homosapiens, said we need a myth for modern times. Here it is. Boris is a lawyer who, like me in the golden years of my youth, takes on a number of challenging cases in court, defying all odds to become the best lawyer in town and taking down criminals while at it.
A little about me: My name is Roger Baxter and I'm a retired lawyer from Minnesota. When I was in my practice, I saw a wide number of different cases that taught me about life, self-actualization. I have lived in New York, Miami; spent several years in Alaska and travelled South-East Asia back in my heyday. But that is another story and best saved for a memoir, which I am already 35k words into by the way, would you like to see it? It is in some ways quite a damning account of a relationship with my ex-wife gone awry, and is bound to make heads turn. When I am not writing I am likely to be found playing golf in Scotland or drinking a scotch overlooking the French riviera. A trademark feature of my craft: I am a writer, but not a reader.
I am anticipating a huge interest and a bidding war for this title so I advise you to get back to me as soon as possible to be in for a chance. This one will make me and a fortunate agent big bucks, and provide us a place in the history books.
Yours Truly,
Roger Baxter