Author Topic: MONSTER-GODS (Middle Grade Adventure)  (Read 171 times)

Offline MichaelCahill

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MONSTER-GODS (Middle Grade Adventure)
« on: September 17, 2021, 08:03:30 AM »
Hi, everyone. Any comments/critiques/bourbon cocktail recipes would be much appreciated. Thanks!

Dear Agent,

When his class visits a national forest, twelve-year-old Declan Viers expects to see a whole bunch of boring moose. Just another yawn of a day in his yawn of a life. But this forest has a secret connection to ancient Egypt -- a connection that brings Declan face to face with mythology’s most terrifying monsters. Forget the yawns. Cue the screams.

An attack launched by Ra, the falcon-headed god, sends Declan escaping into the wilderness. Stranded, he finds himself dodging swarms of mythical Egyptian beasts, from a deadly Sphinx to the jackal-like Anubis. While struggling to survive, Declan learns these so-called “gods” are actually flesh and blood creatures. They’ve spent the passing centuries hidden beneath the forest, suspended in hibernation. But the time to reclaim the world has come. With Ra leading them, the monster-gods set out to reach the largest mountain in the forest, a mountain that houses ancient technology. There, they’ll have the means to enslave humanity once again.

Declan must reach the mountain before the creatures. Only then can he use that same technology to destroy them. But first, he’ll need to brave explosive geysers, frenzied rapids, dizzying heights, and crossbow-armed beasts. All of a sudden, those boring moose don’t sound half-bad.

MONSTER-GODS is a Middle Grade adventure, complete at 48,000 words. It’s best described as Percy Jackson meets Jurassic Park. I have my Honors Degree in English Language and Literature. I have also self-published two YA novels and optioned one screenplay. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Offline vivaviolet

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Re: MONSTER-GODS (Middle Grade Adventure)
« Reply #1 on: September 17, 2021, 03:18:59 PM »
This is great.  :clap:

I'd delete the "Just another yawn of a day in his yawn of a life." and let "Forget the yawns. Cue the screams." stand on its own. It feels stronger to me.

Offline Jub666

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Re: MONSTER-GODS (Middle Grade Adventure)
« Reply #2 on: September 18, 2021, 07:56:20 AM »
I agree with vivaviolet - this is a very strong query. I would also suggest you cut the first 'yawns' out - perhaps replace with dull, monotonous, tedious, dreary, boring or something similar.

I wish you all the best with it :)

Offline rivergirl

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Re: MONSTER-GODS (Middle Grade Adventure)
« Reply #3 on: September 18, 2021, 03:21:24 PM »
Ditto everyone else. This is a great query!

Offline MichaelCahill

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Re: MONSTER-GODS (Middle Grade Adventure)
« Reply #4 on: September 19, 2021, 12:43:19 AM »
I want to thank everyone for your help and your kind words!

Offline MKWrites_318

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Re: MONSTER-GODS (Middle Grade Adventure)
« Reply #5 on: October 03, 2021, 02:32:53 PM »
The Kane Chronicles would probably be a better comp for this, since it's Egyptian mythology. It's also not quite the pair of shoes to fill the Percy Jackson is. Other than that, I think you're good to go. Take it out for a spin.