Dear Sarah,
Per the instructions on your website, I am telling you why I have picked you to query, and it is this: because you state on your website that you are interested in "smart women's fiction" and "book club fiction." Yes, this is something you have in common with a thousand other agents, but if that's all you're going to tell me, then that's all I have to go on. Your Twitter feed is nothing but snarky political commentary, photos of your pampered Labradoodle, and announcements of other clients' publishing dates. Your MSWL is nothing but a carbon copy of your profile on your agency's website. Your profile on your agency's website says nothing beyond what I've cited above, unless you count "Sarah graduated from the University of Kentucky with a B.A. in English" -- SAY, that could be a reason I'm querying you! I always wanted to be repped by an agent who graduated from U Kentucky with a B.A. in English. Consider it done.
Needless to say, my novel is smart women's fiction, let's say 88k words. What difference does it make whether it's 85k or 89k? But anyway consider it 88k. Oh and yes, it's "smart." Smart women's fiction. Not that "dumb women's fiction" genre that seems to be so popular but remains oddly unnamed. And yes, it's for the book clubbers. Did you know that you can pick any book on Amazon, go to the 1- and 2-star reviews, and find that half of them are "I had to read this clunker for my book club and everyone hated it"?
Anyhoo, my novel -- let's call it THE WEIRD, CONFUSED, AND POSSIBLY EVIL GIRL -- is about a woman who finds out her husband is cheating on her, so she decides to set him up for her own murder. As he comes closer to prosecution, she sets off on a road-trip across the country during which she decides to go to Tangiers; there, she steals her college chum's husband and gets away with another murder. After being visited by two different people who both claim to be the same guy, she overcomes her agoraphobia and alcohol addiction and goes back to her husband. Later, Rachel visits Megan's tombstone at a cemetery and states: "We are tied forever now, the three of us, bound forever by the story we shared." Later, she sits on the opposite side of the train, hopeful for a new life.
Similar projects are -- look, of course I'm going to list a couple of wild bestsellers. What am I going to say, that it's similar to Silas Marner and The Scarlet Letter? Or how about I pick some Amazon 2.5 star thing that sold 8 copies and compare it to that?
Oh, and you want to know what my credentials are. Well, since I'm a debut novelist, what can I say? I write awesome grocery lists. I'm writing this letter. Just this morning I wrote a note to my gardener asking him to trim back the juniper bushes.
Naturally, my novel has a few BIPOC characters, a neurodiverse character, an LGBTQ character (pick two letters), and it's written in my #ownvoice, which is that of a fourth-generation German who doesn't speak a word of German. The legacy of my ancestors weighs upon me in this strange new land.
Thank you for your time, and I understand that even though you respond to queries only if you're interested in following up and you don't really give any time-frame for any sort of response, you still want me to inform you if I receive interest elsewhere. For all I know, this query could have been purged from your Deleted Items folder or it could be languishing at two-months-out in your reading queue, but I'm supposed to chase you down and dutifully report to you on the status of my project. Truthfully, even if I receive a request for the full I won't know what its status is, because another charming habit of people in your chosen profession is to request full manuscripts and then ghost the authors. But I'll play along.
Thanks for your time. My project really can't be any worse than those of your clients. I checked their ratings on Amazon and yikes.
Best,
Debut Author
