Author Topic: Chips, Hyenas and World Domination (Sapphic Superhero YA)  (Read 497 times)

Offline samthehyena

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Chips, Hyenas and World Domination (Sapphic Superhero YA)
« on: August 12, 2022, 04:02:17 PM »
I'm not great at summarizing my own work, so sorry in advance. Any feedback is appreciated.


Trillian (15) wants to take over the world and antagonize Billie, her superhero ex-girlfriend, but once supervillain society shuns her, Trillian wants to give up. The pep talks from her spider sidekick can’t sway her yet when a talking antique helps her temporarily take over the city, Trillian finds the resilience to continue.

Even though Trillian’s trying to start small, her schemes remain unsuccessful. Complicating matters, Billie keeps meddling. As the girls reconnect over a stolen hyena and a bottled water MLM, Trillian hesitates to let those who her hurt back into her heart. During a class trip Trillian reciprocates Billie's desire to start over, until Billie helps frame Trillian for a crime she did not commit. In retaliation, Trillian turns her school into spiders and spirals to the point she ends up behind bars. When Trillian’s sidekick gets fed up with her belittlement, Trillian parts ways with him and escapes prison alone.

Billie hunts down Trillian, who is on the run in the sewers. She ultimately doesn’t execute her boss’ order to kill Trillian. Once she stands up for herself, Billie’s boss claims he has eliminated Trillian in her stead. In her grief, Billie has a meltdown on live television, when everyone around her freezes. Billie can run away from a life she can’t control because Trillian has brainwashed the city after amplifying her powers. Yet Trillian casts world domination aside when she sees that wrath doesn’t change the fact that she’s controlled by her past.
Trillian pulls Billie out of a depressive episode and they expose how the superhero industry has exploited them. Infuriated, Billie’s boss tries to paint himself as a hero again, but his attempt gets out of control. In the ensuing fight and victory, Billie overcomes her desire to please everyone, Trillian learns she can depend on others and the girls rekindle their relationship.

« Last Edit: August 12, 2022, 06:07:57 PM by samthehyena »

Offline Sara.E

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Re: Chips, Hyenas and World Domination (Sapphic Superhero YA)
« Reply #1 on: October 07, 2022, 06:47:03 PM »
Hey there!

So I'm not sure what your book's overall word count is, but I feel like this synopsis is a little short. It's usually easier to beef things up than cut words though, so that's a good thing!

I think I want a little more of a sense of who Trillian and Billie are. I like that you explain the story's main conflict so early on but it's hard to really care without getting a sense of who the characters are. I think just a sentence or two at the beginning to set the tone of Billie and Trillian and their current relationship would go a long way.

I think one of the main selling points of your story is that the main character is a supervillain, and even though you make that clear in the first sentence, I feel like you could spice up that detail to really make your story stand out.

I also want to get a better sense of your world in the story. You want to keep things simple, but right there's too much information without a lot of context. From what I understand there is a superhero society and a supervillain society. Trillian and Billie are both in high school but both belong to each of these societies, at least until Trillian gets kicked out. How did they meet? How did they find out the other was part of the other society? Do they have secret identities? Is the superhero culture more like Marvel/DC or more like The boys? You definitely don't have to answer all of these questions but find the things that make your world the most unique and focus on those.

The ending is perfect and it will help us relate with your supervillain protagonist. :)

Honestly, I think you have a great story, but it feels like all I have is the plot. I need just a few more details about the world and the characters to really connect. I think you'll find the plot also makes more sense as you flesh out these other details. :)