How would I do it? Hmmmmmmmm . . .
OK, first of all, everybody gets a reply. I've got a day job where I routinely put in 50-70 hours a week, especially now, after staff cuts, but I'm still expected to return all my phone calls and answer all my e-mails, so I just don't buy this "the poor agents are so oppressed they can't answer all queries" crap. How long does a "Sorry, not for me" e-mail take?
Second, my web site would indicate that ALL queries should include at least 10 and no more than 20 sample pages. My web site would also state that I would only read as many of those pages as I felt compelled to, based on their quality. If I was not compelled to finish, then I wouldn't be asking for anything.
Third, I would not ask for partials -- I'd ask for "fartials." I would always ask for the whole thing, but again with the stipulation that I was only going to read as long as the writer made it worth my while. If I was compelled to finish, but still did not want to represent, then i would provide at least a page or so of comments on the draft -- what worked, what didn't, etc. If I was not compelled to finish, I would at a minimum tell the author where and why they lost me.
Fourth, I have to suspect that the vast majority of the material agents read demonstrates that the author has no real chance not only of getting the queried work published, but of getting anything published, ever. In such cases, I would be honest and say something along the lines of:
"As a literary agent, I read dozens of manuscripts a weekand have a very good handle not only on what can be published, but on which writers evdience the talents and skills necessary to hope one day to be published. I am sorry to have to tell you that you evidence neither in your submission. This is not meant to be cruel, but simply to be an honest evaluation of your material. I would strongly advise that you take some writing classes, join an writing group and otherwise significantly polish your skills before submitting work to the agent community again. If you already have taken those steps, then it is quite possible that you simply do not possess the requiste talents to be a published author."
I mean geeze, kids get cut from sports teams and school plays and stuff all the time. I still remember the high school baseball coach telling me, "Kid, I hear your a good football player. You'd be better off spending your spring in the weight room, cause you suck at baseball, and even if you make the team, all you're gonna do is ride the bench." Didn't kill me. In fact, the extra time in the weight room probably helped me with swimming in the winter and football in the fall. Why tell somebody who's invested god-knows-how-much time writing a novel that clearly demonstrates that they have no chance of getting published that it's "Not for me" when you know damn well it's not for anybody. At least do them the courtesy of telling the truth.
Of course, I'd probably get gunned down by some obsessed wanna be writer for crushing his or her unrealistic dream, so it's a good thing I'm not gonna take up agenting any time soon.
Luctari