Author Topic: A desperate query letter...  (Read 4063 times)

Offline Aiala

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A desperate query letter...
« on: July 15, 2009, 05:00:44 PM »
Ophelia Scrapp
Scrapp Literary Agency
The Bronx, NY

Dear Sir or Madam:

Will you read my book? It took me years to write; will you take a look? It's based on a novel by a man named Lear, and I need a job. So, I want to be a paperback writer.

It's the dirty story of a dirty man, and his clinging wife doesn't understand. His son is working for the Daily Mail. It's a steady job, but he wants to be a paperback writer.

It's a thousand pages, give or take a few; I'll be writing more in a week or two. I can make it longer if you like the style. I can change it round; and, I want to be a paperback writer,

If you really like it you can have the rights. It could make a million for you, overnight!

              Ms. Ima Sau

P.S. If you must return it, you can send it here. But I need a break, and I want to be a paperback writer.

"Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate" ~ Dante Alighieri, Inferno

Offline LeahClifford

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Re: A desperate query letter...
« Reply #1 on: July 15, 2009, 05:33:20 PM »
Aw man, now that song's gonna be stuck in my damn head ALL DAY!  :up: :koolaid:
A Touch Mortal
A Touch Morbid
A Touch Menacing
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Something Grave (coming out 9/7/21!)

Offline bodwen

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Re: A desperate query letter...
« Reply #2 on: July 15, 2009, 06:15:05 PM »

Dear Ms. Sau:

Listen kid, you pay for the call.  You ain't bad, but we 've heard it all before.  Yeah, it sounds like John, Paul and George.

Don't call us...we'll call you.

Ms. Sugar Loaf


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Re: A desperate query letter...
« Reply #3 on: July 15, 2009, 09:57:04 PM »
Couldn't resist finding it on youtube.

Offline ajhoward

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Re: A desperate query letter...
« Reply #4 on: December 11, 2009, 10:17:25 AM »

The Desperate Club is looking for new members.

 :bang:                          :bonk:                :'(

I got a call from Agent Doom and one from Agent Gloom.

I said I've got QT supporters, so I'll wait for a better offer.

Future Author AnneJ Hope is Alive!

Offline Brenlee

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Re: A desperate query letter...
« Reply #5 on: December 14, 2009, 06:51:13 PM »
LOL -- that's all I got.  :lol:
« Last Edit: December 14, 2009, 07:07:36 PM by Brenlee »

Offline Annarkie

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Re: A desperate query letter...
« Reply #6 on: December 21, 2009, 03:49:45 PM »
Couldn't resist pasting this resonse.

Thank you for your query to the Writers Literary Agency.  Based on your
query form information we would like to see your work.

This will be a long email. You might enjoy setting aside some time to really
read it (grin).  My goals are to 1) get the info we need to make a decision,
2) to let you know about how we think and how we approach the industry, and
3) to let you know what to expect.

1)  Would you please send us an electronic copy
      of your work for further evaluation?

      Please email your manuscript to
 Seriously, if we flood their inbox with stuff like this, maybe they'll get the hint.