This is a contest of fun! You do not win anything so get over it!
I am starting a ridiculous query and the rules are; 1)if you are posting, you must write the next line or paragraph to continue. Be creative and read outside the lines and remember-the category is WORST so rack your brain and take this to the extreme!. 2) Do not finish and do not write the bio as that usually means "finish".
Looking forward to your responses.
Dear Agent,
I do not know your name, nor do I care right now, as I am on the run, trying to save every last breath I can.
I did want to send you my query and have you read my novel, "My Life Here in Hell".
It is a nonfiction novel, well, most of it, since it is about me and the fact that my bitch of a wife and her family, my kids, has been trying to kill me for 20 years. It is mostly complete, but I can't send you the ending yet or the word count because it wouldn't be complete without their plans of poisoning me, pushing me off a cliff, or having someone like Bob, my nosy next door neighbor, cut my throat added to it, so will send you whichever ending you prefer.
The story follows my life. If you were paying attention, I already said that dumb ass. I never understood why agents were such idiots. For that matter; publishers, editors, lawyers, waitresses, cooks, cops, neighbors, spouses, kids, counselors, and whoever else I can't think of right now.
Anyway, it is written in first person because it is about me. How else would I write it? You really don't pay attention do you?
It started the day I said, "I do".
