Author Topic: I'm The Deputy...  (Read 5380 times)

Offline MelanieLane

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I'm The Deputy...
« on: November 02, 2007, 07:49:23 PM »
Deer Agent,

I'm the Deputy in these parts and if you don't represent my book, I'm gonna start with the gun slinging. The following is a taster of what could happen to you and your miniature poodle and exhusband (probably won't mind that, will you? Oh well, how about your big toe then? MUWAHAHAHAHA!) if you don't rep me.

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Stay in formation, boys!

Anywho, since you'r gonna rep me (Wouldn't want anything to happen to FLUFFY, NOW WOULD WE? **eyetwitch**), I guess I'll tell you about my novel. It's about a wonderful Deputy (she's TOTALLY not a self-insert MarySue. But you're probably to stupid to know what a Sue is) who's beautiful, smart, witty, talented, smart, beautiful, gorgeous, wonderful, witty, and totally modest. After getting her book rejected by her EVIL dream agents, she sets off on a rampage of brutal revenge. I still need to find ANOTHER agent who gets their life destroyed and their poodle muitilated. I already have five, but I want it to be six. Just 'cuz the Deputy Said so. So if you want to star in the novel, reject me, but if you want to be the knight in shining armor, send me that contract!

Or else.

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Have a horrible great day!

Signed,

Da Deputy.

(YOU BETTA RESPECT!)
Got :draw:?

The Deputy Is: Swamped

Offline justwrite

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Re: I'm The Deputy...
« Reply #1 on: November 02, 2007, 08:16:52 PM »
 :rolf::rolf::rolf::rolf::rolf::rolf::rolf::rolf::rolf::rolf::rolf::rolf::rolf::rolf::rolf::rolf::rolf::rolf::rolf::rolf::rolf::rolf::rolf::rolf::rolf::rolf::rolf::rolf:
Mel, you are one of the FUNNIEST humans on the planet! (assuming you are human, of course). Karma's a comin'

Offline audal

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Re: I'm The Deputy...
« Reply #2 on: November 02, 2007, 08:32:13 PM »
Oh my.

Dude, you had me at "MUWAHAHAHAHA!"

I may shift gears & become an agent just to have the privilige of watching you at book signings.  At least until you're locked up ;D
Quillkeepers' Tavern Management: Slingin' Cocktails & Wisecracks Since Mid-August.

Offline MelanieLane

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Re: I'm The Deputy...
« Reply #3 on: November 03, 2007, 04:03:10 PM »
I'm not locked up already?

 ;D

Many thanks, y'all!

Boy do I wish I could sent that in an actual query to someone. Under an assumed name of course...

:draw:
Got :draw:?

The Deputy Is: Swamped

Offline Patrick

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Re: I'm The Deputy...
« Reply #4 on: November 11, 2007, 10:53:09 AM »
I see you posted this last week and I missed it, but I'm glad I found it now.  I needed the laugh.  Thanks. 

(This is a fake query letter, right?)

Offline Abigail

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Re: I'm The Deputy...
« Reply #5 on: November 11, 2007, 11:29:42 AM »
Mel,

I ran to hide Fluffy, then realized I don't have a dog.  Great job!  Reall funny... :rolf:
Literature is alive...don't strangle it with superfluous verbiage!

Offline MelanieLane

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Re: I'm The Deputy...
« Reply #6 on: November 11, 2007, 01:15:29 PM »
Thanks!

...I sent it out last night.  :wink:
Got :draw:?

The Deputy Is: Swamped

Offline joanjunkmail

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Re: I'm The Deputy...
« Reply #7 on: November 11, 2007, 01:32:34 PM »
PERFECT!  'stay in line, boys'?? 

you're causing a ruckus in the library, mel!

(one of the nanowrimo stickers we were given as 'swag' at the write-in said, 'be nice to me or i'll put you in my novel'!)
be nice to me or zombies will eat you in my novel
Proud Member of NGHS (even though I'm a pirate)

Offline MelanieLane

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Re: I'm The Deputy...
« Reply #8 on: November 11, 2007, 04:27:38 PM »
OOO! I want one of those bumper stickers!
Got :draw:?

The Deputy Is: Swamped

Offline joanjunkmail

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Re: I'm The Deputy...
« Reply #9 on: November 11, 2007, 04:29:10 PM »
PM me your address and i'll shoot one off to you (ask your mom first, though).

get it?  'shoot' one off to you??
be nice to me or zombies will eat you in my novel
Proud Member of NGHS (even though I'm a pirate)

Offline MelanieLane

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Re: I'm The Deputy...
« Reply #10 on: November 11, 2007, 09:34:02 PM »
:draw:
Got :draw:?

The Deputy Is: Swamped

Offline crystaljewels

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Re: I'm The Deputy...
« Reply #11 on: November 19, 2007, 11:19:02 AM »
PRICELESS!

 :lol:

YIKES! I wonder how many agents get clueless queries like these-probably more than we think.