Author Topic: New Take on a Classic...  (Read 3899 times)

Offline Aiala

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New Take on a Classic...
« on: March 02, 2010, 10:09:02 PM »
Ms. Ima Pyle
Steeman-Pyle Author Representation

Dear Ms. Pyle:

“Gregory Samsa, a hard-working and respected cockroach, awoke one morning after uneasy dreams to find that he had been transformed into a gigantic Literary Agent.”

Thus begins my 200,000-word paranormal fantasy Metamorphosis 2010. It is the story of an unfortunate insect who, suddenly and inexplicably thrust into a terrible and violent alien world, struggles to survive against seemingly insurmountable odds. Whereas his previous life centered around not getting stepped upon, now, as a literary agent, he must learn to step on people. This role reversal presents a great challenge, as kind-hearted Gregory is forced to quash his empathetic nature and destroy people’s hopes with a mouse click.

I’m sure you have no insecurities whatsoever and can therefore appreciate my ironic Kafka-esque juxtaposition of cockroach and literary agent. I feel quite certain that Metamorphosis 2010 will find a ready audience among the hordes of would-be novelists whose dreams have been cruelly shattered by heartless agents. (Not you.)

Thank you for your cooperation.


I. Sewell Paiste

P.S. Although there are no actual teenage vampire characters in the novel, Gregory does reject several thousand novels on the subject, and one of the dejected writers commits suicide by jumping off the Williamsburg Bridge onto a bauxite barge.


"Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate" ~ Dante Alighieri, Inferno

Offline EvaBrick

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Re: New Take on a Classic...
« Reply #1 on: March 04, 2010, 10:21:00 AM »
Dear Author,

I can see you put a lot of time and effort into writing your query letter and novel. How many years of your life did you put into that, by the way? Nevermind, I don't really care.

Anyhoo, I can't really be bothered reading beyond your first sentence because I'm busy taking pictures of my dog to post on the agency's incomplete, badly-formatted website, so I hope you'll forgive my using a form response, in which I will make myself look illiterate just to make you cry:

Not for me, thaks anyways. Please remember that this is a subjective business blah blah blah and I'm shure you will find representation elsewere... not!

Most Sincerely yours,

Super Agent

Offline pilot27407

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Re: New Take on a Classic...
« Reply #2 on: March 04, 2010, 10:39:12 AM »
LOL…. Actually, I’m sure that, if you query it, someone might ask for a partial (even a full).

Offline jhutcheson

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Re: New Take on a Classic...
« Reply #3 on: March 04, 2010, 11:28:12 AM »
LOL!  Love it and Eva's reply!

"Writing is easy: All you do is sit staring at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead." Gene Fowler

Offline eallen99

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Re: New Take on a Classic...
« Reply #4 on: March 04, 2010, 04:29:18 PM »
This forum is jam-packed with some of the best literary talent I've ever seen! You guys rock! :up:

Offline A_Greenlief

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Re: New Take on a Classic...
« Reply #5 on: March 04, 2010, 08:49:11 PM »
Oh, that's priceless (the letter and the rejection)  :clap: .  I love it!   ;D
"Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway."  John Wayne

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Offline skray

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Re: New Take on a Classic...
« Reply #6 on: March 06, 2010, 12:38:02 AM »
Dude, if I was a literary agent I would actually take this on. You're target audience is perfect!

I think you should consider writing this story, lady.


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Re: New Take on a Classic...
« Reply #7 on: May 16, 2010, 11:12:38 AM »
 :rof3: :rof3: :rof3: :rof3: :rof3: :rof3: :rof3: