Dear Agent
BAMM!!!!!
You are about to read about the greatest novel ever written! BAMM!!!!!!
It has everything! Sex! Love! Humor! Adventure! Mystery! More Sex! BAMM!!!!!
This novel will forever change the world of writing and set new benchmarks which others will struggle to acheive but never quite reach.
If you are curious (and lucky) I will send you a few samples, but not the entire work because it is just too overwhelming for a mortal reader. BAMM!!! BAMM!!! Besides, the post office wants to charge me (ME, can you believe it?) $200 for the postage. Did I mention that it is 950,000 words? BAMM!!!