WH Literary Agency
Atten: Mr. Lizard
Suite 1109 Harp Building
New York, NY 10010
Attn: Mr. Lizard:
Thank you for your rejection of my novel, Murder and Mayham. The spelling guru you have reading queries for you is absolutely correct about the spelling of Mayhem. Apparently, your guru never got past the first sentence. I have attached my query for your review, again.
Murder and Mayham is a fast-paced, action-packed, hard-knocking, knee-jerk thriller. Twice divorced and fired from three law firms in four years, Jack Mayham can't seem to get a break. Wherever Jack goes, so goes the IRS to audit the firm that hired him. Another IRS audit has costs him his current job. With his personal items in a box, Jack is on his way out of his office when in walks Carla Hamilton, a woman who makes professional fashion models envious. With two ex-wives, Jack knows the value of ladies wear. Carla's handbag and dress costs more money than Jack pulls down in a year. He estimates her diamond necklace would buy a new Rolls Royce, and her diamond studded high heel spikes, are worth at least a Harley-Davidson FatBoy.
In search of a good criminal defense attorney, when Carla is able to get Jack's attention above her neckline, she tells him her story. The police suspect Carla may have had something to do with her husband's death. Earl, thirty years her senior, was found floating face down in their swimming pool. Carla hopes Jack is as fearless as he claims when he asks for $125,000 retainer, enough money to set up a new office. Jack rents a new office the following day and meets with the District Attorney. That's when Jack learns the real identity of Carla's late husband is Tony Delonzo. Delonzo cleaned dirty money for the mob by investing it in international securities. Then Delonzo decided to move sixty million of the mob's financial holdings into his personal accounts, scattered around the world. Tony found a young attractive woman, Carla who agreed to help him spend it. It took the mob two years to track him down. After being confronted with this new information about her husband, Carla admits the name Earl did not seem to fit her husband's personality.
The next evening, after a long romantic dinner together, Jack and Carla receive a message by way of knifes to their throats. The mob wants their money back, all of it. With a knife point pressing below her diamond-interlaced-black-pearl-gold-linked necklace, Carla swears she is knows nothing about computers. The two men press the knifes harder. When a trickle of blood starts flowing down both their necks, Jack claims he is a computer guru. If anyone can find the mob's money he can. Jack and Carla are given twenty four hours to use the late Tony Delonzo's computer to find the accounts and transfer the money back into the mob's account. Jack comes up with a plan, run and keep running. At least until he can learn how to use a computer, or convince his first ex-wife—she works for the IRS and is good with computers—to help them. There is one major problem. Jack's first ex-wife hates him. Jack left his first wife for another woman, his first wife's sister, who later became Jack's second ex-wife. Getting his first ex-wife to help him find the mob's money won't be easy.
I look forward to hearing from you, again.
Sincerely,
Jack's Third Ex-wife
