Author Topic: Murder and Mayham - A Jack Mayham Thriller  (Read 3389 times)

Offline Nostrabuttus

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Murder and Mayham - A Jack Mayham Thriller
« on: December 07, 2007, 09:17:24 AM »
WH Literary Agency
Atten: Mr. Lizard
Suite 1109 Harp Building
New York, NY 10010

Attn: Mr. Lizard:

Thank you for your rejection of my novel, Murder and Mayham. The spelling guru you have reading queries for you is absolutely correct about the spelling of Mayhem. Apparently, your guru never got past the first sentence. I have attached my query for your review, again.

Murder and Mayham is a fast-paced, action-packed, hard-knocking, knee-jerk thriller. Twice divorced and fired from three law firms in four years, Jack Mayham can't seem to get a break. Wherever Jack goes, so goes the IRS to audit the firm that hired him. Another IRS audit has costs him his current job. With his personal items in a box, Jack is on his way out of his office when in walks Carla Hamilton, a woman who makes professional fashion models envious. With two ex-wives, Jack knows the value of ladies wear. Carla's handbag and dress costs more money than Jack pulls down in a year. He estimates her diamond necklace would buy a new Rolls Royce, and her diamond studded high heel spikes, are worth at least a Harley-Davidson FatBoy.

In search of a good criminal defense attorney, when Carla is able to get Jack's attention above her neckline, she tells him her story. The police suspect Carla may have had something to do with her husband's death. Earl, thirty years her senior, was found floating face down in their swimming pool. Carla hopes Jack is as fearless as he claims when he asks for $125,000 retainer, enough money to set up a new office. Jack rents a new office the following day and meets with the District Attorney. That's when Jack learns the real identity of Carla's late husband is Tony Delonzo. Delonzo cleaned dirty money for the mob by investing it in international securities. Then Delonzo decided to move sixty million of the mob's financial holdings into his personal accounts, scattered around the world. Tony found a young attractive woman, Carla who agreed to help him spend it. It took the mob two years to track him down. After being confronted with this new information about her husband, Carla admits the name Earl did not seem to fit her husband's personality.

The next evening, after a long romantic dinner together, Jack and Carla receive a message by way of knifes to their throats. The mob wants their money back, all of it. With a knife point pressing below her diamond-interlaced-black-pearl-gold-linked necklace, Carla swears she is knows nothing about computers. The two men press the knifes harder. When a trickle of blood starts flowing down both their necks, Jack claims he is a computer guru. If anyone can find the mob's money he can. Jack and Carla are given twenty four hours to use the late Tony Delonzo's computer to find the accounts and transfer the money back into the mob's account. Jack comes up with a plan, run and keep running. At least until he can learn how to use a computer, or convince his first ex-wife—she works for the IRS and is good with computers—to help them. There is one major problem. Jack's first ex-wife hates him. Jack left his first wife for another woman, his first wife's sister, who later became Jack's second ex-wife. Getting his first ex-wife to help him find the mob's money won't be easy.

I look forward to hearing from you, again.

Sincerely,


Jack's Third Ex-wife
« Last Edit: April 05, 2010, 08:53:14 AM by Nostrabuttus »
Author of humorous short stories, mainstream suspense, mystery, and thriller novels.

https://jmdavisauthor.wordpress.com/
Twitter: @jmdavisauthor
http://jacklabloom.blogspot.com/

Offline Nostrabuttus

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Dear Ms. Flick
« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2007, 03:43:50 PM »
WH Literary Agency
Attn: Ms. Cornelia Flick
Suite 1109 Harp Building
New York, NY 10010

December 7, 2007

Dear Ms. Flick:

Thank you for your rejection letter dated December 7. From what I have read about you, you are as flexible as rebar in concrete. Although middle-grade chick lit is selling hot and various other hues of pink in book stores all across this country, I think middle-grade chick lit novels have done for literature what impressionist paintings did for art. It has made some people wonder if their vision has blurred.

I, on the other hand, like to think of myself as the Colombo of mystery writers. What Detective Colombo did for murder investigations, I hope to do for mystery writing, appear to be a bumbling idiot until proven right.

Thank you, but I will need more than luck to place my work elsewhere. I will need an extremely talented and slick talking literary agent capable of selling ice to Eskimos, raw meat to vegetarians, and limited writing skills to a publisher. Something Mr. Lizard is obviously not.

Again, thank you Ms. Flick for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Earllean Katherine Goodwall ( my pen name )
The Colombo of Mystery Writers


P.S. I just loved reading The Next Big Thing by Johanna Edwards. I just feel like I know her. Please forgive me, Johanna.
« Last Edit: December 07, 2007, 04:01:33 PM by Nostrabuttus »
Author of humorous short stories, mainstream suspense, mystery, and thriller novels.

https://jmdavisauthor.wordpress.com/
Twitter: @jmdavisauthor
http://jacklabloom.blogspot.com/