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Author Topic: ODE TO MY EARWAX  (Read 6671 times)

Offline augusto

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ODE TO MY EARWAX
« on: July 24, 2010, 11:57:43 PM »
Dear Future Agent:

ODE TO MY EARWAX is a soon-to-be best-selling memoir about my life written by me. (Kind of like an autobiography only I wrote it.) Complete at 3,500 words (with self-portraits—by me—and a full set of x-rays), ODE TO MY EARWAX chronicles a life of q-tip dependency and the dangerous repercussions (and concussions) from compulsively whacking one's self in the side of the head. Just try it sometime.

I've attached the complete manuscript so you won't be bothered to ask for it. When you make THE CALL tomorrow, don't; I can't hear a damn thing. Only when I whack myself with a q-tip already lodged in my ear does my hearing return—and then only briefly. Maybe I should add a chapter about that... Anyway, DON'T CALL, simply send checks to the address below and get to work on the movie deal.

Future Client,
H. August Hearinghorn
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Will Tinkham's novels: THE CARY GRANT SANATORIUM AND PLAYHOUSE, THE GREAT AMERICAN SCRAPBOOK, THE ADVENTURES OF HANK FENN,
BONUS MAN, NO HAPPIER STATE and
ALICE AND HER GRAND BELL.

Offline Tabris

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Re: ODE TO MY EARWAX
« Reply #1 on: July 25, 2010, 07:16:23 AM »
Dear Mr. H:

I'm pleased to say your work has an interesting premise but my client list is currently full. I also think your query would be strengthened by discussing whether you have wet wax or dry wax.

Best of luck to you as you search for an agent.

Sincerely,
Agent
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Offline augusto

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Re: ODE TO MY EARWAX
« Reply #2 on: July 25, 2010, 08:01:01 AM »
Dear Agent:

Details relating to the consistency of my earwax will be dealt with in Book II of this five-part trilogy.

Awaiting your check, August
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Will Tinkham's novels: THE CARY GRANT SANATORIUM AND PLAYHOUSE, THE GREAT AMERICAN SCRAPBOOK, THE ADVENTURES OF HANK FENN,
BONUS MAN, NO HAPPIER STATE and
ALICE AND HER GRAND BELL.

Offline Tabris

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Re: ODE TO MY EARWAX
« Reply #3 on: July 25, 2010, 10:22:42 AM »
Dear Mr. August,

I was trying to send you a reality check, but it failed to go through. Maybe next time.

More sincerely than you know,

Agent
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Offline augusto

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Re: ODE TO MY EARWAX
« Reply #4 on: July 25, 2010, 11:14:06 AM »
Dear Agent:

If you're holding out for a higher commission, it ain't gonna work.

 :draw:, August
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Will Tinkham's novels: THE CARY GRANT SANATORIUM AND PLAYHOUSE, THE GREAT AMERICAN SCRAPBOOK, THE ADVENTURES OF HANK FENN,
BONUS MAN, NO HAPPIER STATE and
ALICE AND HER GRAND BELL.

Offline Tabris

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Re: ODE TO MY EARWAX
« Reply #5 on: July 25, 2010, 11:23:58 AM »
Dear Mr. August,

I'm afraid you'll have to consider me "out of commission."  Feel free to query other agents if you get a bug in your ear to do so.

Very Earnestly Sincerely,
Agent
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Offline augusto

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Re: ODE TO MY EARWAX
« Reply #6 on: July 25, 2010, 08:32:12 PM »
Gee, this is good practice, should I ever get a personal rejection. I bet agents really enjoy this type of dialog with non-clients.
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Will Tinkham's novels: THE CARY GRANT SANATORIUM AND PLAYHOUSE, THE GREAT AMERICAN SCRAPBOOK, THE ADVENTURES OF HANK FENN,
BONUS MAN, NO HAPPIER STATE and
ALICE AND HER GRAND BELL.

Offline Tabris

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Re: ODE TO MY EARWAX
« Reply #7 on: July 26, 2010, 06:06:29 AM »
The responses get shorter and then they stop entirely, I think. ;-)
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Offline augusto

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Re: ODE TO MY EARWAX
« Reply #8 on: July 26, 2010, 08:12:14 AM »
I would think they stop long before they get shorter. Of course, not everyone has written Ode to My Earwax...  :'(
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Will Tinkham's novels: THE CARY GRANT SANATORIUM AND PLAYHOUSE, THE GREAT AMERICAN SCRAPBOOK, THE ADVENTURES OF HANK FENN,
BONUS MAN, NO HAPPIER STATE and
ALICE AND HER GRAND BELL.

Offline Magic_Seeker

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Re: ODE TO MY EARWAX
« Reply #9 on: July 26, 2010, 06:48:14 PM »
Of course, not everyone has written Ode to My Earwax... 

Thank goodness!  :wink:
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Offline Zooks

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Re: ODE TO MY EARWAX
« Reply #10 on: September 08, 2010, 11:51:37 AM »
Wow!  Just saw Query Shark's glowing review of this!  Seems she's really excited about the movie deal.  Does anyone else have their fingers crossed for Nicolas Cage as the lead?  Congrats, August!   :clap:
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THE ARCHIMEDES SOCIETY-Humor
THE KNOTTED GUN - Suspense
THE LONG AND THE SHORT OF IT-RomCom
NOOKS & GRANNIES-YA
GATSBY DELANEY - 7TH GRADE IMPRESARIO - MG
THIS AIN'T NO COWBOY MOVIE-YA
BROGWIN FRAYNEY & HOW HE NEARLY SAVED A KINGDOM-MG
DEATH AT THE DRIVE-IN - Gen'l Fiction
A SCOUNDREL'S TALE-Humor

Offline augusto

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Re: ODE TO MY EARWAX
« Reply #11 on: September 08, 2010, 12:01:56 PM »
He does have the ears for it, doesn't he?
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Will Tinkham's novels: THE CARY GRANT SANATORIUM AND PLAYHOUSE, THE GREAT AMERICAN SCRAPBOOK, THE ADVENTURES OF HANK FENN,
BONUS MAN, NO HAPPIER STATE and
ALICE AND HER GRAND BELL.

Offline Zooks

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Re: ODE TO MY EARWAX
« Reply #12 on: September 08, 2010, 12:18:56 PM »
I'll say!
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THE ARCHIMEDES SOCIETY-Humor
THE KNOTTED GUN - Suspense
THE LONG AND THE SHORT OF IT-RomCom
NOOKS & GRANNIES-YA
GATSBY DELANEY - 7TH GRADE IMPRESARIO - MG
THIS AIN'T NO COWBOY MOVIE-YA
BROGWIN FRAYNEY & HOW HE NEARLY SAVED A KINGDOM-MG
DEATH AT THE DRIVE-IN - Gen'l Fiction
A SCOUNDREL'S TALE-Humor

Offline sadapplemonday

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Re: ODE TO MY EARWAX
« Reply #13 on: November 11, 2010, 10:11:43 AM »
Haven't you heard, someone else picked up the deal and contracted a sequel titled. Ode To My Nose Hairs.
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Offline augusto

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Re: ODE TO MY EARWAX
« Reply #14 on: November 11, 2010, 02:45:23 PM »
When my lawyer gets out of jail, we'll have something to say about that...  :draw:
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Will Tinkham's novels: THE CARY GRANT SANATORIUM AND PLAYHOUSE, THE GREAT AMERICAN SCRAPBOOK, THE ADVENTURES OF HANK FENN,
BONUS MAN, NO HAPPIER STATE and
ALICE AND HER GRAND BELL.
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