Author Topic: Need a few beta readers for Sci-Fi.  (Read 2036 times)

Offline Raquel

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Need a few beta readers for Sci-Fi.
« on: October 07, 2010, 05:19:12 PM »
Okay, so I experimented with this book and need a few honest opinions on it as I don't normally write sci-fi. ;D
I also tried to write an antihero, but I think he turned into more of a villain :emb: you can sympathise with.  I need a few people to basically tear the book apart and give me some honest opinions.  I have thick skin so no need to be nice. :up:
I'm willing to swap.


Offline longknife

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Re: Need a few beta readers for Sci-Fi.
« Reply #1 on: October 07, 2010, 07:13:12 PM »
Give us the 1st page and you might get a few takers.   :inocent:
A Soldier's Stories @
Father Serra's Legacy @

Offline Raquel

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Re: Need a few beta readers for Sci-Fi.
« Reply #2 on: October 08, 2010, 12:00:57 PM »

   “And where exactly did this one come from?”
   “Does it matter?  The boy will make an excellent test subject.  He’s healthy and strong.”
   “So were the last four.  You can’t really believe this one will be any different.”
   “I’ve made some changes.  He could live.”
   The voices drifted through the partially open doorway.  Cadin tried once more to pull on the magnetic cuffs around his wrists and ankles.  Sweat beaded on his brow as the cuffs parted an inch and then snapped back together.  He gasped.  His arms shook from the effort.
   He banged his head back against the wall.  This was stupid.  Without help he wasn’t going to escape.  Even if he did where was he to go?  Stupid, stupid, stupid.  Think Cadin.  Think of something.  The door slid open and a girl entered.  Her skirt was shades of purple and blue that blended together.  It ran down to her ankles, slits up both sides almost to her hips.  Strings of beads hung from the band across her chest and swayed enticingly across her taut belly.  Her blonde hair was braided around her head and fell to her waist.   She held a silver tray in her hands.  She knelt down next to Cadin.  “Are you thirsty?”
   He glanced at the door.  “I don’t think it will matter much longer.”
   She took the cup and placed it to his lips.  He sipped at the sweet liquid though he couldn’t tell what it was.  “You were captured recently?”
   Cadin looked into her purple eyes and nodded.  A flash from her ankle caught his eye.  A thin band of metal encircled one ankle.  “You’re a slave?”
     She smiled and nodded.  “Yes.  Like you my people were captured in one of the raids.  What world do you come from?”
   “Xenex, and you?”
   The girl glanced at the door and picked up a thin strip of something red.  “Boranti.”  She placed the strip to his lips.  It too was sweet.  He chewed on it, glad for the food.  He tried to remember the last time he had eaten.  In the slave pens two days ago.  That sounded right.  She slid another piece into his mouth and he bit into something hard.  She glanced back at the door and then leaned down close to his ear.  “The band on the table will take you to another world.  Get out of here before you no longer can.”  She stood up and walked out.  He held the hard thing in his mouth a moment longer and then brought his hands up.  The metal strip slid between the bands and something clicked.  The magnetism between the bands vanished.  His hands popped apart. 
   The metal strip clattered to the ground.  Cadin grabbed it and slipped it between the bands on his ankles.  They too popped apart.  The table was only a few feet away.  He looked to the door.
   “Why are you so worried about the boy anyway?  He’s just a slave.”
   “I don’t know, there’s something different about him.”  Glasses clinked.  They must be drinking their wine.
   “Then maybe he’ll survive.”
   Cadin grabbed the band off the table and slapped it onto his arm.  “Did you hear something?” Chairs squeaked and footsteps headed toward the door.  So much for time to calibrate.  He pressed the button and hoped it wouldn’t drop him somewhere in the center of space.  The door banged open and two men stared in shock at him and then his stomach twisted and all he could see was white.

As requested the first bit of the story.  Anyone interested in looking at it?

Offline Chandara

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Re: Need a few beta readers for Sci-Fi.
« Reply #3 on: October 10, 2010, 09:59:49 PM »

What's the word count?  If you want, send me the first three chapters. I can offer some feedback and we can start from there. I can give overall crit on craft, but not line edits.  If that's okay.

"In my view a writer is a writer because even when there is no hope, even when nothing you do shows any sign of promise, you keep writing anyway." Junot Diaz
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