Baltic Allied Lightning Liberation Squadron

[Nigel_Habberdash]

Dear Agent,

Remember the unpublished masterpiece Guerilla Operations North American Defense Squadron (G.O.N.A.D.S.) that I wrote and queried you for that one time?  Well now you have the opportunity to represent not only that book that hasn't at all been published but also the new action packed sequel entitled BALTIC ALLIED LIGHTNING LIBERATION SQUADRON (B.A.L.L.S.)  Join Duke Manchild, and Sheldon Steele as they form The Baltic Allied Lightning Liberation Squadron and tackle some hairy situations and bounce back and forth between exciting scenes of intense combat. 
This time our heroes must struggle against the Jyhadist Oppressive Confederated Killers (J.O.C.K.) in their new tactical vehicle the Baltic Allied Lightning Liberation Squadron Strategical Armored Car and save Finland!   
Baltic Allied Lightning Liberation Squadron is complete at 50,146 words exactly.  It must be sold with that other book you didn't represent me on yet or the background stuff will be too confusing.  Please contact me any time about this except on Thursday at 3 when I am in the makeshift dojo in my basement practicing my sai and nun-chuk skills. 

Yours ever so truly,
Broseph McDude.

[lexcade]

 

omg, that's AWESOME.

[lisarogers]

Dear Mr. McDude

Although your manuscript has some merit you clearly ignored our guidelines.  We are very strict about word count and never accept anything over or under 50,140 words.  However, if you'd be willing to do a major rewrite to meet our guidelines  I'd be happy to take a look at your G.O.N.A.D.S and B.A.L.L.S. 

Agent Neededalaugh 

[Locke]

I'd be happy to take a look at your G.O.N.A.D.S and B.A.L.L.S. 

I think I found a new signature...

[vcanfield]

He he. I was much amused.

[dana]

Dear Agent,

Remember I AM SURE YOU REMEMBER (why on earth would they forget?) the unpublished masterpiece Guerilla Operations North American Defense Squadron (G.O.N.A.D.S.) that I wrote and queried you for that one time?  Well now you have the opportunity to represent not only that book that hasn't at all been published but also the new action packed sequel entitled BALTIC ALLIED LIGHTNING LIBERATION SQUADRON (B.A.L.L.S.)  Join Duke Manchild, and Sheldon Steele as they form The Baltic Allied Lightning Liberation Squadron and tackle some hairy situations and bounce back and forth between exciting scenes of intense combat. 
BUT WAIT!  THERE'S MORE! This time our heroes must struggle against the Jyhadist Oppressive Confederated Killers (J.O.C.K.) in their new tactical vehicle the Baltic Allied Lightning Liberation Squadron Strategical Armored Car and save Finland! (THIS IS UNCLEAR...EXACTLY WHAT IS FINLAND'S PROBLEM?) Finland, due to their inability to protect the jewels of their ancestors, is under siege by the Conjoined Rabid Alliance of Breast Silicone. (C.R.A.B.S.)
Baltic Allied Lightning Liberation Squadron is complete at 50,146 words exactly...give or take one.  It must be sold with that other book you didn't represent me on yet or the background stuff will be too confusing.  Please contact me any time about this except on Thursday at 3 when I am in the makeshift dojo in my basement practicing my sai and nun-chuk skills. 

Yours ever so truly,
Broseph McDude.

It is my sincere wish that, given proof of my editing skills, you will agree to a BETA READING switch with my latest manuscript:  Sticky Tender and Dry  (S.T.D.).

thank you in advance

[lisarogers]

 

[Nigel_Habberdash]

Dear Agent,

Remember I AM SURE YOU REMEMBER (why on earth would they forget?) the unpublished masterpiece Guerilla Operations North American Defense Squadron (G.O.N.A.D.S.) that I wrote and queried you for that one time?  Well now you have the opportunity to represent not only that book that hasn't at all been published but also the new action packed sequel entitled BALTIC ALLIED LIGHTNING LIBERATION SQUADRON (B.A.L.L.S.)  Join Duke Manchild, and Sheldon Steele as they form The Baltic Allied Lightning Liberation Squadron and tackle some hairy situations and bounce back and forth between exciting scenes of intense combat. 
BUT WAIT!  THERE'S MORE! This time our heroes must struggle against the Jyhadist Oppressive Confederated Killers (J.O.C.K.) in their new tactical vehicle the Baltic Allied Lightning Liberation Squadron Strategical Armored Car and save Finland! (THIS IS UNCLEAR...EXACTLY WHAT IS FINLAND'S PROBLEM?) Finland, due to their inability to protect the jewels of their ancestors, is under siege by the Conjoined Rabid Alliance of Breast Silicone. (C.R.A.B.S.)
Baltic Allied Lightning Liberation Squadron is complete at 50,146 words exactly...give or take one.  It must be sold with that other book you didn't represent me on yet or the background stuff will be too confusing.  Please contact me any time about this except on Thursday at 3 when I am in the makeshift dojo in my basement practicing my sai and nun-chuk skills. 

Yours ever so truly,
Broseph McDude.

It is my sincere wish that, given proof of my editing skills, you will agree to a BETA READING switch with my latest manuscript:  Sticky Tender and Dry  (S.T.D.).

thank you in advance

I don't know I've heard swapping can be dangerous.

[Locke]

A poem, which I would like to title "An ode to the family jewels of Finland"

Perhaps it would be best if
Revisions were
Observed through a double-blind,
Preventing any unwanted or
Harmful affects from possibly offensive
Yacking about this thing or that, a positively
Loquacious activity of
Aggressive and nonconstructive
Criticism.
The aforementioned double-blind would assure the privacy of any and all
Identities involved and promise a positive ideal of
Cooperation.

[lexcade]

i think i may truly die from laughing tonight!

[dana]

i think i may truly die from laughing tonight!

You failed to mention where I should send the flowers...

[windjammer]

HILARIOUS! I'm actually crying! (is that a good thing or a bad thing?) Totally clever. Thanks for the laugh!

[LateToTheParty]

After I read this to her, my Mrs. said she's so happy I found people just like me. When I stop laughing, I'll decide how to take that.

[LydiaT]

THIS. This is awesome. I would rep this ;)