Sounds like a fun story. I noticed a few echo words (words repeated too close together or too often) which I've highlighted in red
and offered a suggested replacement word along with other changes in blue
. I've put my comments in purple
is probably believes he is (I agree with JayliaDarkness suggestion) the greatest scientist in the entire world, next to the guy who invented biscuits and gravy (I suggest changing biscuits and gravy because unless they have an importance to the story it's not something I think a kid in second grade would feel is an awesome invention.) individually wrapped peanut butter and jelly slices. Mondays science fair is his chance to prove it to everyone in his second grade class. Herbie is going to make the biggest, meanest, working volcano in history.
The only problem is
that (he has or Herbie has--is used four times) he hasnt spent a single minute working on it because he has Herbie's been busy working on developing a top secret project, a flying propeller hat. He made it out in his laboratory, which doubles as his bedroom, out of a propeller beanie, a cell phone, and a fan blade.
Herbie has the weekend to finish testing it and get his volcano
finished [/s] completed while his parents are out of town. He has This leaves him more than enough time so long as his mutant of an older brother Rosco quits snooping around his room. If Rosco doesnt quit stop trying to find the tip-top secret project Herbie is SO telling Aunt Rita.
HERBIE AND HIS HELICOPTER HAT is a 5,800 word childrens chapter book that follows Herbie on his mission to win the science fair. This book, written for second graders, is a stand-alone with series potential.
My background is in education. I taught both first and second grade for a total of five years. I am a member of the SCBWI.
Thank you for your time and consideration.