Dear Ten-Percenter:
I am seeking representation for my me-moir, A HEARTBREAKING WORK OF STAGGERING MONOTONY. I read in Gloaters Weekly that you represent memoir. (Actually you said “the memoir,” which is pretentious and then some. You haven’t sold memoir at all, have you? Nevermind. I’ve never written a book either.)
A HEARTBREAKING WORK OF STAGGERING MONOTONY begins in Fargo, ND, where I was born a small white child. Saturday nights we drank beer. Sunday mornings we lined up the empties on the fence and had target practice. I moved to LA after I figured out where it was and have lived there since, nearly brushing elbows with countless celebrities whose memoirs will sell a lot better than mine. (Then again you didn’t get those deals, did you?) The story wraps up sometime before I die, but I don’t want to spoil the ending.
I have included the first three chapters (which is just shy of where it really starts moving, but we mustn’t tamper with the gatekeeper’s rules!), as per your guidelines, which state that “the memoir” (gets me every damn time!) is treated like fiction for purposes of submission (and for every other purpose, if you ask me).
I look forward to your reply. Thanks for taking a time out from tweeting to read this.
