Chris Rylander (millencake on QT) has signed with agent Steven Malk of Writers House.
I would like to invite you to consider representing my novel, The Disappearance of Abe Lincoln: And the Misadventures of a Guy With a Mustache and a Chick With an Eye Patch.
I adore ninjas, bunnies, and zombies, so it is sad that none of these are in my novel. It does, however, contain a kidnapping and a road trip. Those are fun too, especially if the kidnapping is of Abe Lincoln. Unfortunately, former president Abraham Lincoln is dead, so the kidnapping is of a different Abe Lincoln.
Abe Lincoln is an experienced ninja for hire with a murky past and noble connections... oh wait... there aren't any ninjas in this novel. This Abe Lincoln is actually an eccentric, 25-year old, 10th grade history teacher in a small Midwestern town. He has grown accustomed to his famous moniker and is a magnificent educator and student favorite. One night, a guy with a mustache and a chick with an eye patch kidnap Abe. They stuff him into the trunk of their white Ford Taurus and drive north, across the border, into the remote areas of Manitoba. Along the way they meet a bizarre cavalcade of strange characters, including a well-groomed, three-legged wolf who happens to be a packrat, a mannequin dressed up like a fisherman, a Royal Canadian Mounted Police Officer with a penchant for juice, palindromes, and candy necklaces, a family of traveling evangelicals, and a fugitive Elvis look-alike who may or may not be the real Elvis. When the kidnappers relay the ransom demands to Abe's family, they are met with reluctance. The negotiating goes on for six months. All whilst Abe becomes infatuated with his abductors and begins to hope he is never rescued.
I have shown my novel to some respected authors and have received the following great reviews:
Brett Easton Ellis: "Get the hell away from me!"
John Updike: "Who are you, and why are you following me around?"
Stephen King: "I"m calling the cops."
Dr. Seuss: "I do not like you sir. No, I do not like you now or then, I do not like you any when. I do not like you here or there, no I do not like you anywhere."
I thank you kindly for taking the time to read my letter, and would be quite pleased to have you represent me. If you would you like to read part of my novel please contact me at xxxxxxxx or xxxxxxx.
Thanks again for your consideration.